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Unexpected Gifts for Christmas

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As December winds to a close I wish everyone reading this Happy Holidays!

I have an injury (broken foot) that has limited my mobility for several weeks but have discovered some Unexpected Gifts as I continue to heal.

One such Unexpected Gift is appreciation. That is, I have a much better appreciation for mobility in terms of walking and driving. Since I am supposed to keep my foot elevated as much as possible, I cannot walk much. Since I have a splint and protective boot I cannot drive either. Fortunately, my wife can take me where I need to go, so I appreciate her more than usual.

Another Unexpected Gift is simplicity. I enjoy Christmas and particularly like outdoor lights and lawn décor. My injury has restricted my ability to do much outdoors, including using a ladder. I therefore had to cherry pick only a few items that I could easily put out for decoration.

Each has special meaning to me and has the added benefit of a clean and simple yard presentation.

The final Unexpected Gift is organization. I have written about Christmas Clutter in the past. I have made progress with my garage clutter over the last few weeks. My lawn decorations are more organized since I could only put a handful out this year.

What Unexpected Gifts can you find in a less than ideal situation? My injury uncovered three for me. I leave you with a quote from Bill Keane, creator of The Family Circus:

“Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.”

NAPA Wine Country Castello di Amorosa in Calistoga STAIRS

The MAGIC of Incremental Improvement

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If We Could Accept Progress Step-by-Step

Popular self-help books promote the idea that if we can switch our thinking, we will live lives of abundance (attraction theory, self- affirmations). Things will magically click and we’ll be happy bazillionaires!

Honestly, that’s not the way things work. Sure, you may have spurts of success here and there, but to really see solid growth you need to accept that incremental gains through consistent steps toward your goal are where there are magical-compound results.

NAPA Wine Country Castello di Amorosa in Calistoga STAIRS

Compounded Gains

Finance people and investment advisors have been talking about the benefits of compounded growth. If you’ve missed it, here’s a quick overview.

If you invested just $100 and added only $5 a month for 5 years while earning a measly 4% compound interest, you’d end up with a jaw-dropping 447% increase. If you had instead invested $5 a month (after your initial $100 investment) in an ETF such as Vanguard’s S&P, You would have $637.60 after 16.86% annual compound growth. (This return is as of 9/30/2021 and accounts for that massive dip in March 2020.)  Now, imagine if you had invested $1,000, initially, and added $50 a month. You’d have $6,376!

Most often, we see similar results after we direct consistent effort toward other goals in our life.

Unexpected Gifts

When we take one step and then another, consistently, we compound our progress toward miraculous gains!

Consistency is the key. One step at a time.

We hate it because that’s not the message we get from best-selling books and seminars. Yet, this is how people grow impressive nest eggs. This is how people declutter without suffering trauma because they let go too soon a sentimental memento or family heirloom. Sure, there are stories of seemingly overnight successes; but what we usually don’t hear and see are the months if not years of consistent action. The same holds true for today’s bitcoin millionaires.

Steps repeated consistently over time will yield unexpected gifts. Actually, they are expected because we’ve worked consistently toward them. They’re UNexpected when the magic of compound growth results from small steps taken repeatedly to build upon the earlier ones.

Whether decluttering or building something awesome, it takes time and dedicated effort. Consider the awesome beauty of this medieval castle built using old-style workmanship that now attracts visitors from around the world.

Dario Sattui’s all-consuming passion to build “13th century Tuscan castle winery to honor his Italian heritage and deep love for medieval architecture” began in 1994. He completed the Castello di Amorosa 15 years later. It was his labor of love.

Brenda Avadian with Lisa Lopez on her birthday

A Walk Down Memory Lane

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Remember the banker’s box I wrote about in last month’s Decluttering a Mountain in My Mind? Well, I almost titled this post, A Painful Walk Down Memory Lane.

Older Friends and Colleagues Have Passed Away

When you have worked with people and have friends who are much older than you, you may never see them again after losing touch over the years. You’ll only be able to savor the memories.

A spry colleague, about 25 years my senior and a long-time contributing member in our community, passed away last year shortly before the COVID-19 shutdown. While going through my older paperwork as The Caregiver’s Voice—helping family members and professionals who care for people with dementia, I found her number and called. Disconnected. I looked online and found a more current associate of hers who relayed the information of her passing to me. She led a Parkinson’s support group in our valley until the very end.

Memories Tucked Away

Among the papers I was looking through was a yellow-lined sheet of paper torn from a small notepad. On it, in her writing, was her name, address and telephone number. I searched for her online as she was of immense help to me in scoring the music I co-composed to commemorate the Bicentennial of the US Constitution, while serving among Alverno College’s faculty. I called her and left a message. I will call her once more since I didn’t receive a call back. It would be nice to touch base after more than a third century since we last saw one another.

Hesitate to Reach Out to Someone?

We’ve all done it. We don’t call because we fear or figure the person could call us. Fair enough. I have a public presence and it’s easy for someone who desires to reconnect to reach out to me. Some of my friends and even family members are so private, I’m not sure what they’ve been doing for the last quarter century.

Still, it’s up to us. I choose to reach out to those people along the river of my life who I think about. I wonder how their lives unfolded. I have reached out, including family members, who won’t return my calls or respond to letters or even birthday cards. After several tries, I’ve learned to let go. While I miss them, they may not miss me or need me in their lives. Meanwhile, I enjoy reconnecting and learning about those who are willing to share life’s adventures across the years.

Consider this. If you hesitate to call someone, turn the tables. Imagine if out of the blue, three decades later, someone calls you and says, I was going through some old paperwork and found some notes and have been thinking about you.

Brenda Avadian with Lisa Lopez on her birthday

How would you feel?

WOW!

The world we live in today is increasingly self-focused. Most appear to avoid contact with their faces buried in smartphones. Attention has gone virtual.

You never know what unexpected gift you could give another or receive by reconnecting. At the very least, reconnecting it likely have a positive effect on both of your lives.

Inspire us. Let us know what you have done.

STUFFology 101 copies of Korean edition

WOWEEEE the Korean Edition of STUFFology 101

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STUFFology 101 Box of books from Korea I had the pleasure of picking up a gift that arrived from South Korea, yesterday – a box of the Korean edition of STUFFology 101 – Get Your Mind Out of the Clutter.

As an author of nine books, I’ve had the pleasure of having books translated in German, Spanish, Korean, and Slovenian. It’s always a treat to see how publishers of different countries handle the design and translation.

STUFFology 101 copies of Korean editionThis is an exciting time for us. Imagine writing a book that people from around the world express interest in. I feel a little giddy with excitement imagining how my co-author, Eric must feel. This is his first published book, which became a top-selling title and it is now available in the Korean language. WOWEEEE!

What’s next?

There’s no telling what’s around the corner. As we wrote in the Unexpected Gifts chapter of STUFFology 101, if you keep working toward your goal, you never know which unexpected gift will come your way.

That’s what happened with this edition. We exhibited copies of STUFFology 101 at the Frankfurt Book Fair through the Independent Book Publishers Association. Although more publishers and agents expressed interest in this title than my previous books, the world’s economy remains tenuous and no deal was forthcoming. However, unknown to us, Cheombooks, a publisher in South Korea was searching for books on Amazon when they discovered STUFFology 101. And here we are!

STUFFology 101 a peek inside the Korean editionAll we can do is focus on helping you and who knows what’s next.

How about a little serendipity? I opened the book and paged through until I found a nice image of the inside pages I could share. What did I choose? Chapter 17 – Focus on Doing One Thing.

In our demanding, multi-tasking, and fragmented world, the best road to success with S.T.U.F.F. is to Start, Trust, Understand, and FOCUS in order to Finish.

Will you JOIN us?

ENCORE of an Unexpected Gift – A Deep-Fried Thanksgiving

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Turkey Deep Fryer for an Unexpected Gift

 

ENCORE of an UNEXPECTED GIFT – A Deep-Fried Thanksgiving

When one of our possessions is not used, over time it distracts us and creates a feeling of clutter. When curiosity got the better of me and I just had to try a deep fried turkey, Eric let me use it and four families gathered to ENJOY a FUN ADVENTURE.

This unexpected gift inspired Eric and I to write the following poem:

It’s on clearance, what a deal!
A turkey deep fryer to cook our Thanksgiving meal.

Just season to taste with spices and such
A pinch here and there, not too much.
But it says some assembly required
How to do it? I’m too tired.
Years go by and it sits on the shelf
Taunting me like an underutilized elf
Waiting to be used for the big holiday feast
Bothering my wife not in the least.
We should use it when the family’s in town
But it’s still not assembled, I feel so down.

Brenda asks how a deep fried turkey might cook
I’m eager to try it, let’s have a look.
She says, “I have a smoker to offer in trade
For your turkey deep fryer unused for a decade
“No, the fryer is mine.”
“But if you wanna use it, I guess that’s fine.”
Plans are made to break it in right
With special oil and a bird that won’t fight.
The big day draws near, how will it go?
Without some experience, there is no way to know.

Family and friends arrive to see
How a Thanksgiving bird is cooked for free.
The oil is hot, ready at last
Keep the temperature steady to cook it fast.
Anticipation and laughter fill the air
As we wait anxiously for our Thanksgiving fare.
The turkey is cooked and ready to eat.
The glorious meal is crispy and neat.
Making for a mouth-watering display
A great way to spend Thanksgiving Day!

We invite you to view the one-minute YouTube video clips of HOW TO Safely Prepare and ENJOY A Deep Fried Turkey from START to FINISH.

 

Most THINGS don’t Matter Unexpected Gifts Do

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Life Lesson: Most THINGS don’t Matter Unexpected Gifts Do

Oftentimes, we are caught up with THINGS.

We collect things. We clean, organize, and display them. We feel a loss when things go missing.

Yet, if we let go of some of these things or even better, don’t bring them into our homes, we’ll receive unexpected gifts that may surprise us.

Brenda Avadian in Mexico Drinking la Leche fresca de CocoWhile on a trip to Mexico, my husband and I lived high on the hog, we also lived along the middle of the hog, and under the hog. Okay, I’m stretching the cliché a little.

We returned home appreciating that we had a shelter even though it was a fixer-upper. We questioned if we should proceed with remodeling.

Even now, in our information-rich world, the more things we acquire, we run the risk of creating physical clutter, which soon grows into toxic mental clutter that takes time away from what matters in our lives.

Ever ask a person a question and not get a straight answer?

C’mon, what is it? Yes or No?

It’s hard to decide with a clutter-filled mind.

Instead, when we declutter the various cluttergories in our lives, we feel lighter, more focused, and are more decisive.

At around 7 minutes in the video, you’re invited to do an exercise. Click on link for an overview of the STUFFology 101 Cluttergories. Print a copy and then write your notes (from the video) on the reverse.

And the hog?

We finally ate the hog, but carnitas are not part of this story except for an unexpected gift.

I crossed one item off my Bucket List—a goal I’d had since I read stories in the 5th or 6th grade recounting family gatherings in Mexico.

What was it?

Watch the end of the video for my unexpected gift.

Yours will be different, and that’s what makes these gifts unexpected.

ENJOY.

If the embedded video does not display below, click on http://youtu.be/ViA9Xdsvz2g

 

Cut Through the Clutter

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What unexpected gifts will unveil themselves to you when you cut through the clutter?

In STUFFology 101: Get Your Mind Out of the Clutter, we discuss the five categories of clutter, which we call cluttergories. They are physical, mental, digital, temporal and sensual. Clutter has an ebb and flow to it, just like life. How we define our clutter may change.

Recently my Dad has been making improvements to his home, discovering areas of clutter in the process. One hall closet in particular had several shoe boxes full of old pictures (remember the print kind?) that were stored at random. My daughter Maggie volunteered to sort them out and organize them for my Dad so the whole family could enjoy them.

We took all the boxes home for easier sorting, and to help cut through the clutter at my Dad’s house! My first unexpected gift came shortly thereafter. As Maggie went through each box of pictures she would stop to ask who or what was in a given photo. It is amazing what memories (my unexpected gift) came into focus as I answered her questions. Of course there were questions that neither I nor my wife could answer about certain photos. That’s not a problem because a sticky note to mark that photo will do the trick short term. Maybe my Dad can provide the answers.  Unexpected-Gifts_Cut-Through-the-Clutter_05272015 - Copy

His pictures are now neatly organized in new photo boxes. As he looks through them in the future he will enjoy a pleasant stroll down memory lane, an unexpected gift worth giving.

Maggie was inspired to review and sort the family photos at our house as a result of this project. Fortunately my wife keeps them in pretty good order already. This is when I received my second unexpected gift. The photos triggered pleasant memories for sure, but also motivated me to take action.

Looking at my skinnier self from years ago, coupled with some good-natured teasing from my daughter, motivated me to lose weight. Getting back in shape is something I have been working at half-heartedly for most of this year, with limited success. Pictures tell a tale that is difficult to ignore.

The physical clutter of printed pictures has motivated me to get in better physical shape. What cluttergories are impacting your life?  Cut through that clutter to unveil an unexpected gift that is unique to you.

Clutter free Kitchen table - Avadian - Web

Nature abhors a vacuum and other clutter postulates

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About a decade ago, I came upon “Nature abhors a vacuum” in a book on feng shui. It left a lasting impression upon me. If we resist this force of nature, we may gain control over the cycle of clutter in order to enjoy the unexpected gifts in life.

At this time, I needed to get rid of a number of classic-tailored suits. I no longer wore them because after years of living in a dry climate — the High Desert of Southern California — the finely woven wool fibers had shrunk significantly; yet, I couldn’t let them go.

Isn’t it funny how when we don’t even need something, we insist on holding on?

That changed when a fellow caregiver and friend needed donations for the Children’s Hospital fundraiser. Knowing these clothes were to be purchased by women who would recognize the finer quality details, I donated a half-dozen suits and other clothes.

The void in my closet provided relief. I no longer had the toxic reminders of what was not in my future — a body to fit in those clothes.

And while the force of nature pressured me to fill that void, I resisted. I bought two new outfits. I needed something to wear at speaking engagements!

Today, I consciously resist the urge to replace something I give away or discard. I try to live without it a while to see if I really need to replace it.

This past weekend, one of our living room tabletop lamps stopped working. My husband took it apart to try to fix it. We agreed it wasn’t worth his time and tossed it. We considered buying a new one. Then, to fill the void with light, we experimented by moving two floor lamps. Amazingly, the new arrangement resulted in a much better effect with one less lamp!

What is it that compels us to give into nature’s force and fill a newly created void? And why?

It turns out that Aristotle made this statement. Ahh, now that explains why we accumulate clutter! It’s a physics postulate! And who can resist nature’s law?

We can, if we try hard enough.

After all, with enough power, we defy the laws of gravity and enjoy air travel around the world.

We CAN defy the laws of physics.

When we resist the urge to fill a void whether it’s physical, mental, or even temporal, we free ourselves to receive the unexpected gifts in life.

Unexpected gifts

Clutter free Kitchen table - AvadianYou may recall reading the part in STUFFology 101 about my husband’s and my commitment to keep our kitchen table clear after we grew tired of having to clear a space to eat. Instead, we put our food on trays and ate while watching TV.

This is a photo taken on May 4, 2015 of our clutter-free table. And we took advantage of two unexpected gifts. First, we focus on what we’re eating, which means we eat less. Instead of permitting TV to be a distraction, we take our time to enjoy meals we prepare together from scratch. Second, we’re talking more, just as we did when we became a couple almost 38 years ago.

You may also recall the article that we cancelled our television subscription earlier this year, in order to have more time.

This means less temporal clutter. We have more time to catch up with the things that piled up while our attention was diverted to the TV. And there’s no more mindless blur of daily entertainment that overloaded us with mental clutter.

As we consciously strive to defy Aristotle’s (clutter) postulate, we’ll have more time and energy to enjoy life’s unexpected gifts. One such gift presented itself a couple months ago after I took steps to reduce the hours and days I worked each week.U.S. News & World Report - Brenda Avadian

For almost twenty years, I worked 14-16 hours a day for 6-7 days a week. Last year, I began to take stock of my time and energy and reduced my schedule to 12-14-hour days. After facing some difficult decisions, I let go of several volunteer activities and reduced my work schedule even more.

This year, I’m working 10-12 hour days 6 days a week. This reduction left me with enough time and energy to accept an unexpected gift–an invitation to write for U.S. News & World Report.

This opportunity helps me to reach a wider audience with my message for caregivers. I would not have been able to accept this gift had I not cleared the temporal clutter in my life. Plus, I’m getting out more often to hike in nature.

What unexpected gifts will you invite into your life after resisting the urge to fill a void with stuff?

Unload That Trailer

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I would rather have and not need it than need it and not have it. My philosophy for garage items was not serving me well when it came to my utility trailer. As discussed in STUFFology 101: Get Your Mind Out of the Clutter , I rarely used it. Worse than not using it was the fact it had turned into a not so mobile storage area for stuff!

On the rare occasion I needed to use the trailer, I first had to follow a multiple step process to get it out of the garage. This entailed moving the items in and around the trailer out onto the driveway so I could maneuver the trailer out of the garage. Then all that stuff in the driveway went back into the garage temporarily while I used the trailer. Finally, I reversed the process to park the trailer in the garage again. Not a very efficient use of time or space. Talk about temporal and physical clutter!

A solution to my clutter conundrum eventually appeared in the form of my nephew, who asked if I’d be interested in selling the trailer. Ultimately I said YES, but not before agonizing over the answer for at least 30 seconds. I was not home when he came to pick up the trailer, so he and my daughter followed my multiple step process to get the trailer out of the garage.2015_Trailer-1

While it was nice not having to do that work, I also received some unexpected gifts. Letting go of the trailer inspired the family to finally sort through the many trailer items to keep, toss, or donate. Clearing out the garage clutter enabled us to find a few family treasures to display in the house. Those items we chose to donate were put to much better use by our favorite charity. What a wonderful feeling!

In addition, my nephew did not need the panels I had made for the trailer, so I turned that material into storage shelving for my garage. Much of my jumbled Christmas decorations now had an easily accessible home. Aaahhh, relief from Christmas clutter constipation.

Unloading the trailer provided me with another unexpected gift, family time. My nephew stayed for dinner the day he picked up the trailer and we had a nice visit. Sorting through the garage items from the trailer as a family provided a nice block of time to catch up with one another on a variety of things that might otherwise have been missed.

Clear the clutter from an area in your life and discover what unexpected gifts are waiting for you.

Grand Piano_Avadian

To Master the Art of Decluttering, Ask Magic Question 2

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The art of de-cluttering is similar to any other skill or talent worth developing. If you want to play better piano, you need to practice, Practice, PRACTICE. If you want to be a better basketball player, you need to shoot hoops and practice moves on the court.

Whatever talent you wish to master, you need to respond vividly to the second of two magic questions.

The great masters, whether in music, sport, or any other talent, practice and use visualization to mentally finger the keys or take hoop shots.

Grand Piano_Avadian

We take it a step further.

Visualization is not enough when we have access to five senses.

Master the art of decluttering so that you may join us as STUFFologists.

In over 45 years of clearing the clutter throughout my life, I have found when I clear a physical space; it has a profound effect on how I think. For example, clearing a square foot area of clutter clears my mind and opens me up to unexpected possibilities. It goes deeper than this but I’m limited by two-dimensional expression.

Imagine what we can accomplish room by room in an entire home or office!

Clutter will never totally disappear. It’s part of our natural cycle of life. Just as you eat to digest the nutrients in your food, and then eliminate, there will always be a cycle of clutter in our lives. We accept this as the natural course of life; especially, while we’re focused on other tasks leaving clutter to accumulate.

We can control our clutter by answering the two Magic Questions.    

In Chapter 22 of STUFFology 101, we address the Two Magic Questions.

Eric Riddle wrote about the first Magic Question in Why do I have this?

This article invites you to step up the challenge of answering Magic Question 2: What would the area I am focusing on look, feel, smell, or sound like if I cleared the clutter? 

Your ability to feel the answer deeply will yield lasting success. In other words, visualize the area but go beyond to imagine using your other senses.

  • Do you notice how clean an area smells after you’re finished dusting?
  • Do you remember feeling a more open mind after clearing an area of a stack of papers?
  • Have you noticed after emptying a room of stacks of boxes, that you are able to hear sound more clearly?

Where do you begin?

Click to Start with S.T.U.F.F. Define an area you want to clear of clutter and get started. Focus on how you feel, what you smell, hear, touch, or see.

The more senses you involve, the greater your success.

Over time, like a virtuoso pianist or a star basketball player, you will master the art of decluttering.

And who knows?

In the physical, mental, digital, temporal, and even sensual space created, you may find an unexpected gift. There is no telling what it will be. That’s what makes it unexpected. I have found if I observe closely and keep an open mind, I usually find the answer to a question I’ve been mulling around awhile or a find a solution to a challenge I’ve encountered.