mental clutter | STUFFology 101

The Future of STUFFology 101

January 10, 2022/in News 'n Views/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

In the book Chrysalis, coach and author, Ann Vanino writes about cocooning. The caterpillar knows nothing of what the future holds and yet, prepares a cocoon for a metamorphosis into a beautiful creature that takes flight.

Fifty Years of Clutter Awareness

For over fifty years, since I was a pre-teen, I have been aware of clutter due to my parents’ penchant for saying “yes” to anything that was free and then not being able to let go. Forty-five years later, after my mother died and my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I cleared their home. We’ve all read the stories of apartment-sized dumpsters of possessions being discarded. That was my experience. Forty years after those childhood experiences, and in my fifties, I realized I had a talent for helping others release their own life cocoons created by physical, mental, and temporal clutter.

Eric Riddle joined me, and together we have written articles about decluttering and a book, STUFFology 101: Get Your Mind Out of the Clutter. We advocate the process of S.T.U.F.F.—that is, Start. Trust. Understand. Focus. Finish.

Success Requires Commitment

The truth is, many of us need stronger faith and commitment to the task we set our minds to. Consider all the New Year’s resolutions that are broken long before the change of seasons.

To be able to stand back and truly marvel at one’s success is often the result of dedicated and focused effort. Like the caterpillar, our unyielding effort magnifies into an unexpected magical creation.

Larger Impact for Limited Time

We need to have a larger impact if we want to ensure our limited time is well-invested.

Late last year, I posted, We NEED Your HELP – Please Read and Comment. Surprisingly, we did not receive a single comment or email answering the questions I posed in the article. We did receive one heartfelt and thought-provoking email, which still warms my heart.

While the clutter world is filled with extremes—Marie Kondo’s anthropomorphic approach of imbuing life-energy to possessions before letting go of those that don’t spark joy to the tough love and therapeutic approach with extreme hoarders—STUFFology 101 continues to urge clutter bugs to define an area of clutter and to take the S.T.U.F.F. steps in letting go.

Time passes more quickly, the older I grow. How I invest my time is more important, because it is time I can never get back. The same is true for you.

I know what it means to live without a lot of STUFF. I feel lighter after working through an area of accumulated clutter. I feel JOY after gifting someone with something I no longer need. I find pleasure knowing I have no desire to accumulate possessions.

Do I share these experiences in weekly articles on STUFFology101.com? Bi-weekly articles? Monthly articles? Do I work on another book? Do I totally reconfigure the website? These are some of the questions I will begin asking as I take time to enter a STUFFology cocoon.

In the interim, look for a major announcement Eric will be sharing this month.

We NEED Your HELP – Please Read and Comment

December 27, 2021/in News 'n Views/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

During the Fall Season of 2020, co-author Eric and I agreed to redirect our time and effort to write an article every other week. Between the two of us, we figured you would have an article a week to read and digest. We wrote articles that would be timely enough for you to apply to your life.

We thought our investment of time would ripple beyond our immediate circle. We wanted our message to gain traction and reach people beyond our first and second connections. We hoped our words would help more people clear physical, mental, temporal… clutter from their lives.

As we continue spending more time at home, COVID and its variants alter our life plans.

We anticipated delivering coaching sessions via ZOOM while producing follow-on materials to our bestselling title, STUFFology101: Get Your Mind Out of the Clutter.

Progress Report

It has been 14 months since we made and implemented our joint commitment. We are grateful for our dedicated fans who respond and share. Yet, I’ve been asking myself, lately—What impact am I having for the time I invest in writing these articles?

I’m growing older and antsy about time well spent.

We should all seek to manage our limited time more productively—for things that are having an impact. Time is the only thing that passes and cannot be recovered. I want to feel this part of my life’s purpose touching our devoted fans and then rippling far beyond. When more people are engaged and responsive, the energy created is contagious and fuels us to produce more.

Here is Where I Need Your HELP

As we set our sights on 2022, I ask for YOUR ADVICE regarding the following:

What impact are we having?
Your words will help us if you are specific and share the URL(s) of one (or two) of the articles you found impactful and how.
Shall we continue?
What shall we do differently that will enable us to create wider ripples?
We’re all in this together and can gain insights from one another.

Be brave. (We have been brave carving out time to post for 14 months.)
Post your comment below, or… if you rather write to us, please email EricRiddle@STUFFology101.com.

I will write a follow-up post on January 10.

Declutter Tug-of-War with Past, Present, and Future

December 13, 2021/1 Comment/in De-Clutter/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

Recently, I reviewed notes I had keyed in my journal, two years ago. At the time, I was packing to leave the rural mountain I called home for 15 years—the home, my then-husband and I said we’d live in until the paramedics carried us out on stretchers.

Time has a way of changing things and we’re each living our own lives. I accumulated many books and a lot of paperwork over my nearly 40-year career. I taught at three universities and one college plus served as a consultant for corporations and organizations. Additionally, I had files of notes and editions of the nine books I had written plus notes of the many speeches I’d given since 1980.

As I write this, I recall a dear friend and prolific author’s words during one of our telephone calls, “I’m embarrassed to admit this, Brenda, but I have notes that almost reach the ceiling for books I have yet to write. I feel overwhelmed.”

And here I am lamenting that I have a half file drawer full!

Clutter is relative. Her tall pile of notes held potential for her future. She had written over 40 books at the time. For me, too many notes drain me of energy. I stop. I feel too sluggish to move.

And so, our lives march on with an ongoing tug-of-war with clutter.

Clutter Tug-of-War – Past. Present. Future.

We must decide how much of the past we let tug at us versus how much energy we devote to our future while we potentially tear apart our present.

That year, 2019, I had to make some difficult decisions. The future would not unfold in the way I envisioned. I had to let go of what I had defined as clutter. It was time to create a present with far fewer possessions.

While I’ve always welcomed having less, it’s an uncomfortable feeling to let go of what I had for so long. It’s almost as if I’m saying, I have no future. While not true, it takes some getting used to when one’s present circumstances necessitates a revision to one’s future.

I also know from working with downsizing elders, that going through the process sooner will make it less stressful than if I had to do it in my later years.

Let Go.

As difficult as it may be to let go now, the process has made me far more conscientious as a consumer. Fortunately, I’m not one for shopping for the sake of seeing what’s out there. If I need something, I’ll buy it. Usually, it’s to replace something that no longer works for me. This means I accumulate very little.

With the holidays coming up, friends hint at the gifts they’d like to buy for me. I remind them to gift me with experiences we can enjoy together. This way, instead of having one more thing to deal with, I will treasure a memorable experience.

I had long welcomed a reduction in possessions. The more stuff we have the more our energy goes to maintaining our physical possessions instead spending time with one another. Based on square feet alone, I’ve given up 80% of living space.

I feel far less stress in more intimate surroundings that are easier to manage. Instead of fixing, cleaning, storing, and maintaining possessions I am enjoying meaningful experiences with people.

Let Go to Let In

Since the age of 10 when I grew aware of such things, I’ve learned how much we allow our possessions—whether physical or mental to control our lives.

When we decide and then take steps to let go, we open ourselves to wondrous experiences, ones we cannot even imagine.

Say It! Say What Bothers You and Let Go of Mental Clutter

November 22, 2021/in Cluttergories/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

Consistency is one theme I often write about. Because without consistent action, we lose progress toward our goals.

Say It… Immediately. Compassionately.

In today’s article, I want to encourage those of you who hold things in, to find ways to share your feelings. Consistently. Otherwise, you let your feelings fester too long and then you live with a double-whammy of negativity. Over time, you create chemical imbalances in your body that lead to illness, even cancer. Your behavior also negatively impacts relationships with those who matter to you.

Find ways to share your feelings in a constructive manner filled with compassion. I consider feedback a gift in our self-absorbed world. Don’t believe me? Look around when you’re in a public space. When we take time to figure out how to share our feelings and thoughts compassionately, we strengthen the building blocks of our relationships and live healthier lives.

Forget It. Let It Go.

I’ve been rereading parts of Neurologist, Lisa Genova’s recent book, which I reviewed a couple months ago, here: Remember – The Science of Memory and the Art of Forgetting.

In Chapter 11, titled, Fuggedaboutit, she writes how we can forget negative and emotionally charged memories. Her words can be especially helpful to people dealing with trauma.

Genova helped me to find a constructive way to let go of some of my own negative memories. While I tend to err on the side of positivity; meaning, I tend to easily let go of negative experiences. I choose not to hold on. Yet, there remain a couple areas in my life that surface now and then. Genova’s advice to stop thinking about and even retelling these experiences, helps us to let go. In doing so, we physically break the connections among our brain cells. Gone. Forgotten. We must stop giving those memories life in order to starve and kill off those neuronal connections in our brain.

Release Mental Clutter

Consistently practicing both–sharing what bothers us immediately, and letting go of traumatic memories–helps us to release the mental clutter in our minds affecting our lives.

Doing so has made me realize one more thing. This involves physical clutter—my books. I’ll say it. Well, I’ll write about it here, at least.

Timeless Tomes of Knowledge? Not Really.

For years, I’ve saved “timeless treasured tomes” of knowledge. As I reread some of these books, they are no longer as timeless as I once believed. Even those books from leading thinkers who with marketing powerhouses have built massive followings. I’ve integrated some of their ideas into my life development.

It’s time to let them go. I continue to contribute my books to other readers. This way, I open up more physical and mental space to embrace newer ideas and ways of thinking.

There are times we don’t know what holds us back. In other words, we don’t know what we don’t know. Two ways to expand our ways of seeing are reading and having open-minded conversations with others. We humans are a fickle bunch—committed intermittently; and thus, our unpredictable results.

When we open the doors for dialog, we live healthier lives. Reading books and having conversations with others, will help us to find ways to express our thoughts constructively and compassionately as we take steps closer to our goals.

More ways to clear our mental clutter

Clearing our weed-filled minds with What’s on Your Mind?
Understanding the role emotion plays in our habits in this review of The Secret is in the Mental Codes.
Experience solid growth, accept incremental gains by taking consistent steps toward your goal. This is where the magical-compounded results lie: The MAGIC of Incremental Improvement

Declutter to Avoid being Frozen in Time and Place

July 12, 2021/in Unexpected Gifts/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

Decluttering will be the easiest for you to tackle, today. Tomorrow, and with each passing day, the process will be more challenging.

The longer we postpone accomplishing a task, the more difficult it becomes. Our thoughts about getting it done—mental clutter—raises our stress level. The older we grow, the busier we get and the more quickly we tire.

Making time now to declutter gives us control over what we keep, sell, gift to others, or toss. We don’t want a flood, fire, earthquake, or other calamity to dictate the destruction of our sentimental family mementos.

Decluttering now also means we reduce our consumption of want-to-have but do-not-need items. These items that bring short-term joy, not only clutter our space, they deplete our finances, and ultimately make our lives more stressful. You’d be surprised how great the burden when we carry more stuff than we need.

I found this quote (source unknown) particularly impactful: move away from attachment to the stuff of life and toward a way of life.

And yet, I see so many, frozen in time and place—trapped by their possessions. I grew up in a household of too much stuff. My parents could not say no. The lessons of unburdening their home of 45 years of possessions have contributed to my ongoing process of letting go and acquiring only what I need.

Whether it’s the physical stuff that occupies our space or the mental clutter that clouds our thoughts, we are weighed down—anchored. Until we declutter, we will be unable to move toward a freer way of life.

While progress is slow, such as when my (now ex-) husband I were going through my late father’s paperwork as his brain became increasingly riddled by dementia and later, Alzheimer’s, the pace will pick up. While unexpected gifts such as The U.S. Savings Bonds Windfall, are rare, the gift we receive with each step we take, will make the process go quicker. It’s uncanny, how that works, but we need to start, now.

Only then will we melt the icy grip of our possessions (mental and physical) and clear space in order to may enjoy more of what life has to offer.

Thoughts of Decluttering while on Vacation

May 31, 2021/in De-Clutter/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

A couple weeks ago, I returned from a week in California’s Napa and Sonoma valleys. My primary goal was to enjoy the beauty of wine country and secondly, to do a little wine tasting. COVID altered my plans to visit Tuscany, so I adapted. My eyes feasted on rolling vineyards, the beautiful Castello di Amorosa in Calistoga (pictured) and Jordan Winery’s French chateau in Healdsburg. I enjoyed private reserve tastings at three wineries in Santa Rosa, Sonoma, and Napa. Nature gifted me with her flora and fauna in Geyserville and Santa Rosa. I was in awe at the awesome power of the winds and waves of the Pacific Ocean below Bodega Head.

Purging Thoughts

An interesting thing happened while on this trip. Occasionally, I had mind-dialogues with my ex. At first, I felt a put-off by these intrusive thoughts. Ultimately, I am an optimist. I realized (the next day) that I was engaging in a healthy purging of mental clutter. Indulge me as I explain.

In relationships, people have different views of the world and how to navigate life. In my marriage, I lived with a lot of projections and negativity. I had no idea my ex was projecting his fears upon me and our relationship until early on across a dozen therapy sessions. While his personality was calm and unassuming, and mine, more socially outward, I was letting him control me.

As I enjoyed exploring Napa and Sonoma in my own way, these thoughts entered my mind. I refuse to carry baggage, so I let in these periodic controlling statements and then released them.

If I am truly responsible for creating the new chapters in my life, I must continue clearing out the dark corners in my mind.

“No, let’s not go there. These rental cars are not maintained. What if the car breaks down?”

I went anyway. I drove 300 miles of planned and unplanned adventures during the four-and-a-half days of my trip. I explored miles of rural beauty in Geyserville upon the sommelier’s recommendation. I drove up the windy road to Bodega Head. At the top, the wind was blowing so hard, I lost my footing several times trying to take pictures and shoot video from the cliffs above the seashore.

“You said we’d leave at 8. It’s already 8:45 and we’re going to be late for the wine tasting. Money we already paid, wasted.”

I left Santa Rosa, drove an hour southeast for a carne empanada (yummy) at El Porteño in Oxbow Market. I walked around the market and bought spices. Then I took a leisurely drive up to Frog’s Leap. Arriving early for the 11:15 wine tasting, I meandered upon the scenic grounds.

I prefer to learn from and then let go of the past. I live attentively in the present and find little regret or guilt with statements like “I should have…” “I wish I had…”. I am continually curious, learning new things, and open to adventure.

An article about gray divorces brought me comfort as it reflected my own situation. Men and women, post-divorce, seek different things. In short, men leave long-term relationships to find someone with whom to fill a void they perceive was missing. Women thrive on new experiences.

After living four-plus decades with more negativity than our marriage could endure, this trip was a welcome-journey filled with uplifting yesses. There will undoubtedly be more inner dialogues in the future. I’ll pay attention, in order to let go of more mental clutter.

For more, read Your Choice – Declutter Your Mind or Your Relationship.

Your Choice – Declutter Your Mind or Your Relationship

April 19, 2021/in Cluttergories/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

Have you been in a relationship where someone you cared about didn’t share what was bothering them? They held their thoughts inside.

I spent over 40 years in a thought-hoarding relationship.

It didn’t end well.

When we allow the clutter of thoughts and emotions to build for too long, we become toxic.

At some point, we have to release the pressure.

Scotland-based author, Don Johnson writes in his bio that he’s lived in meditative introspection as a monk and survived “the shark-infested waters of corporate America.” He offers a guide to saying aloud those things we have difficulty saying.

Why do we hold onto these thoughts when they can be so damaging over time?

Johnson’s view is that we fear we’ll be rejected or upset the other person.

Consider the long-term effects of toxicity.

Do you risk offending someone you care about? Or do you risk burning them after pummeling them with your pressure-cooker of problems?

I believe in dealing with issues as they come along. Bite-sized pieces are more palatable and digestible than swallowing months and even years of toxic thought-vomit.

Few relationships survive the drama that punctuates periods of pseudo-peace.

Explosive behaviors at their worst, result in violence and even fatalities. At the very least, they prove fatal to the life of the relationship.

Johnson offers four tips. Two are to be aware of and then detoxify our “left-hand column”—those thoughts and feelings we don’t express. The next is to having a learning mindset. Be open to other ways of thinking and seeing the world. Finally, he suggests we have a “kitchen conversation” (instead of a dining room conversation). This distinction alone is worth the time it will take to read this short article.

It’s time to face one another and have the difficult discussions. What do you have to lose?

ICYMI: BELIEFS – We Hold the Power to Change our Lives

BELIEFS – We Hold the Power to Change our Lives

March 22, 2021/in Reviews/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

Years ago, I was interested in a Florida-based program called The Avatar Course, from Star’s Edge International. Although I never took a course, I read with vigor each monthly magazine and the books. The ideas resonated with me.

Recently, I picked up Harry Palmer’s 1994 book for the fourth time. This is notable considering that I read books once (twice, at most) and then give them away. Titled, Living Deliberately, I have notes from each time I’ve read the book. This time, I took notes again and Chapter Nine, about belief systems hit the target.

Palmer’s work guides us into a deeper look into our beliefs. He writes about “transparent beliefs.” These are beliefs we hold without realizing they still influence our current actions even though they may no longer serve us. For example, when you were a child, a cat jumped from the counter onto your shoulder. It scared you. You screamed. You grew up hating cats. Yet, if you choose, you can use your adult mind to consider how cats behave and understand why you reacted as you did as a child. You may even choose to discover how loveable cats are (on their own terms, of course).

Palmer offers exercises called Resurfacing to help us explore our inner selves. I learned that it’s up to me to create and discreate my beliefs, which affect how I view the world.

What a POWERFUL statement. After all, what is real? Only what we think is real. What do we think? We think based on what we see. What do we see, or rather, how do we see? We see through the lens of our beliefs.

We could have applied these lessons during this past year’s elections and during the COVID quarantine.

Applying the information in Living Deliberately helps us to regain control over our lives, if we choose to do what makes sense for us now.

Palmer writes about four levels of Beliefs. The fourth level gives us the greatest flexibility over how we experience our surroundings. Each of us has the power to change how we see our world and get rid of the mental clutter. Again, what is real? Each of us will see something different.

It’s hard opening up to other ways of seeing. Yet, it’s doable. With practice, it becomes easier to let go of the beliefs we believe reflect the world when so many different points of view are possible.

We can begin by questioning what we believe. For example, in trying to declutter your material things or your thoughts, ask yourself, “Why am I holding onto these _______?” “Why do I believe that _______ people who voted for _______ are _______?” We may find that there are other reasons for our beliefs, such as things our parents taught us based on their own experiences. It’s likely, their experiences do not apply to our lives, today.

When we honestly look at and let go of our beliefs that don’t serve us any more, we grow empowered.

Discreating these beliefs helps us to feel lighter and move more freely in the world.

Nature's beauty - Cottonwood Lake #3 Sierra Mountains

LETTING GO of PHYSICAL ACTIVITY

March 8, 2021/in Cluttergories/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

Losing Physical Ability Makes Way for Healing

Late last year, the orthopedic surgeon said, “Let’s talk about your activities.” Usually, this means, the patient is not moving enough. In my case, he was concerned. I was too active, like a hyperactive teenager.

So? What’s the problem, Doc?

This.

Heck, I’m 61, but my mental age hovers around 16; especially, in nature. I love hiking in the Sierras. I fell playing basketball with youngsters and injured my left foot, right wrist, and thumb. I injured my knee and shoulder after falling off a bike when the brakes malfunctioned. I’ve pushed through pain while running. I even considered popping a wheelie or two after seeing my 11-year-old homie do it!

aye, Aye, AYE!

I wanted to train for one more marathon. During an earlier visit, the 69-year-old orthopedic surgeon advised that I should train sooner than later. He said training is harder on our aging bodies than running the actual marathon. I even bought a decent pair of Nike running shoes after running the last marathon in Teva sandals.

The Hard Truth

After all these successive injuries, the doctor painted a shocking picture. I had to let go of training for the Los Angeles Marathon.

Welcome to mental clutter of the mind lamenting our physical (dis)abilities.

I’ll show him. I’m patient. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to run one more marathon… if not this year, the next, or in five years.

My body is no longer marathon material. Heck, after my 13-mile Sierra hike last summer, my body wants me to limit hikes to within 10 miles. My knees are breaking down. If I want to be able to walk and hike, I’d better let go of my running and daylong 13- to 20-mile hikes in the wilderness.

But first, my chiropractor knew how much I wanted to do this hike to the Hollywood sign in Los Angeles, so he taped my knee. Two days later, I was getting an MRI on that knee.

Letting Go of Physical Activity

Like others my age (and older), I’m dealing with enough aches and pains to need help carrying heavy things, like a case of sparkling water. I use assistive devices to open bottles as my arthritic fingers can’t grip tight enough.

We keep going. As my eighty-something aunt asked, “What are we going to do, die?”

I am thankful for what I am able to do. To think a friend I visited looked at how I hobbled around her home and struggled to lift things with my sore shoulder, and exclaimed, “You’re worse than I am!” (And she’s on disability!)

The Stream of Life Flows

Life is about letting go of stuff (physical, mental, emotional) to enjoy what’s left. I have a choice.

If I want to enjoy the fresh flow of water in the river of life and the ever-changing scenery along the banks, I need to let go of the limitations of my physical corpus clutter. To remain a fairly active youthful-spirited 61-year-old, I need to let go of parts of my 16-year-old self.

Rest to Recover and Enjoy Nature

I am resting more. My knees are getting stronger. While I can’t walk as far yet, physical therapy is helping me with greater range of motion and less pain. Recently, with enough NSAIDs and lots of sitting, I enjoyed a half-day outing at the Living Desert Zoo and Gardens in Palm Desert.

I want to keep going. I will LET GO of the mental clutter that accompanies the pain that comes with running. I will not play another game of basketball. What was I thinking? Before this recent stint, I hadn’t played since high school!

Besides, the Sierra Mountains are calling me to hike among pristine lakes this summer.

For a slightly different take on the cluttergories of the mind, read Down the Alice-in-Wonderland Rabbit Hole of Cluttergories and while we’re on the topic of nature, here’s a take on a weed-filled mind What’s on Your Mind?

Brenda Avadian 2021

Letting GO of Temporal and Mental Clutter to Let IN

February 22, 2021/in Cluttergories/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

Something will always fill the void
IF we let it.
We choose whether or not
We will leave the time and space open.

The Importance of Time

The older we grow; the more important time becomes.

At age 61, I find less of it. Even though, the actuaries say I’ll live another 30 years, painful arthritis is my annoying companion.

I’d better go on all my fun physical adventures now. Once my knees and shoulders get stronger (unless I need surgery), the Sierra Mountains will beckon me. By the next decade, who knows.

If there’s a silver lining in the COVID cloud it just may be the forced reflection and observation of how we’re passing each day.

Letting GO to Let IN

Letting Go to Let In has been a thread throughout quite a few of our STUFFology 101 posts.

It’s an important theme. Like eating, we can only ingest so much before we need to let go. Constipation is painful and dangerous.

With this, I’ve decided to let go of one of my long-standing organizational memberships.

While many are getting rid of their physical stuff there’s also all that non-physical stuff that fills our minds with mental clutter and steals away our limited time.

I have thought about why I need to let go in order to let in something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time.

Reduce the Clutter in Our Lives

When we reduce our temporal clutter, we open time for what’s important in our lives. When we reduce our physical clutter, we make space and clear some of our mental clutter. We need to take a serious look at the cluttergories we tolerate that needlessly fill our lives.

For two and a half years, I’ve postponed moving on in one area of my life. Being a loyalist, I’ve remained. Yet, the clock keeps ticking and I know I’d rather do the things that align with the direction I’m headed in, now.

Let in What Matters

For about a decade (maybe more), I’ve wanted to host a salon. Among the varying French traditions, these are meetings where self-proclaimed intellectuals discuss a topic in depth.

This intellectual pursuit re-energizes my passion for deeply thoughtful discussions about diverse topics.

The other activity I’ve wanted to re-engage in is serving my community with the Community Emergency Response Team (CERT).

We must decide what to let go to leave space and enough time in order to do what matters in our lives.

For more, click to read:

Less TV for More of What Matters

Treasured Books to Declutter

Letting go and Letting IN the World with Professor Dumpster

Constant Clutter Conspiring to Constrict Your Life?

What HAPPENED? Too much Time STUFF!

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