Say It! Say What Bothers You and Let Go of Mental Clutter

November 22, 2021/in Cluttergories/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

Consistency is one theme I often write about. Because without consistent action, we lose progress toward our goals.

Say It… Immediately. Compassionately.

In today’s article, I want to encourage those of you who hold things in, to find ways to share your feelings. Consistently. Otherwise, you let your feelings fester too long and then you live with a double-whammy of negativity. Over time, you create chemical imbalances in your body that lead to illness, even cancer. Your behavior also negatively impacts relationships with those who matter to you.

Find ways to share your feelings in a constructive manner filled with compassion. I consider feedback a gift in our self-absorbed world. Don’t believe me? Look around when you’re in a public space. When we take time to figure out how to share our feelings and thoughts compassionately, we strengthen the building blocks of our relationships and live healthier lives.

Forget It. Let It Go.

I’ve been rereading parts of Neurologist, Lisa Genova’s recent book, which I reviewed a couple months ago, here: Remember – The Science of Memory and the Art of Forgetting.

In Chapter 11, titled, Fuggedaboutit, she writes how we can forget negative and emotionally charged memories. Her words can be especially helpful to people dealing with trauma.

Genova helped me to find a constructive way to let go of some of my own negative memories. While I tend to err on the side of positivity; meaning, I tend to easily let go of negative experiences. I choose not to hold on. Yet, there remain a couple areas in my life that surface now and then. Genova’s advice to stop thinking about and even retelling these experiences, helps us to let go. In doing so, we physically break the connections among our brain cells. Gone. Forgotten. We must stop giving those memories life in order to starve and kill off those neuronal connections in our brain.

Release Mental Clutter

Consistently practicing both–sharing what bothers us immediately, and letting go of traumatic memories–helps us to release the mental clutter in our minds affecting our lives.

Doing so has made me realize one more thing. This involves physical clutter—my books. I’ll say it. Well, I’ll write about it here, at least.

Timeless Tomes of Knowledge? Not Really.

For years, I’ve saved “timeless treasured tomes” of knowledge. As I reread some of these books, they are no longer as timeless as I once believed. Even those books from leading thinkers who with marketing powerhouses have built massive followings. I’ve integrated some of their ideas into my life development.

It’s time to let them go. I continue to contribute my books to other readers. This way, I open up more physical and mental space to embrace newer ideas and ways of thinking.

There are times we don’t know what holds us back. In other words, we don’t know what we don’t know. Two ways to expand our ways of seeing are reading and having open-minded conversations with others. We humans are a fickle bunch—committed intermittently; and thus, our unpredictable results.

When we open the doors for dialog, we live healthier lives. Reading books and having conversations with others, will help us to find ways to express our thoughts constructively and compassionately as we take steps closer to our goals.

More ways to clear our mental clutter

Clearing our weed-filled minds with What’s on Your Mind?
Understanding the role emotion plays in our habits in this review of The Secret is in the Mental Codes.
Experience solid growth, accept incremental gains by taking consistent steps toward your goal. This is where the magical-compounded results lie: The MAGIC of Incremental Improvement

Clutter Disrupts Routine

September 13, 2021/in Cluttergories/by Eric Riddle STUFFologist

I find comfort in the routine of daily life. But the cluttergories of life can easily disrupt your routine. What do I mean by that? Simply that physical, mental, and/or temporal clutter often disrupt our everyday routine and weekly plans in both simple and profound ways.

Consider Physical Clutter

It can be an eyesore, a trip hazard, or an emotional drain every time you see it. Perhaps all three! When my young granddaughter visits us, I am almost guaranteed to step on or trip over a toy she neglected to put away.

Consider Mental Clutter

As we note in STUFFology101: Get Your Mind Out of the Clutter: “Clutter of the mind includes emotions, regrets, and worries that drain us.” Fatigue makes it challenging to focus, and may lead to apathy, or even depression.

Consider Temporal Clutter

We each have various tasks to complete every day that are important to us. That routine can be interrupted by things ranging from overtime at work to a plumbing problem at home.

Any combination of these cluttergories can and will disrupt your routine. A sense of being overwhelmed may result. At least that was the case for me over the last few weeks. For example, I neglected writing a blog post last Monday for this website.

Sometimes all we can do is keep up, and that’s okay. I was reminded of this by my co-author in a recent phone call. Not surprisingly, she has written on this topic before. ICYMI: “What HAPPENED? Too much Time STUFF!”

Take Action

Be aware that clutter is disrupting your routine. Take a few minutes for yourself. Maybe a short walk outside or a call to a friend. Go out for a family dinner. Do something to help your own mental attitude. Simple but not easy as the pace of life steadily moves faster and faster. Take action today and your routine will refresh itself anew.

Move Away From Clutter

August 23, 2021/in Cluttergories/by Eric Riddle STUFFologist

Are extra storage boxes clutter? That depends on what you define as clutter.

In this case, no they are not clutter. My oldest daughter is moving out of state soon and I am on the lookout for well-constructed moving boxes. Yes, she can always purchase moving boxes from a variety of sources when it is time to pack her belongings. But I look at it as a challenge to find good quality boxes until then.

It can be fun too. Just keep your eyes open during your regular shopping trips. For example, the boxes from Urban Jungle left me curious about the name. Now I know that the company sells houseplants to Lowe’s.

While gathering moving boxes in this fashion may lack uniformity, it gives me the opportunity to expand my knowledge base as well as provide me with random topics for conversation, making it a game of sorts.

Another example is the box from hōmz. This box was from another member of the household that was ready to recycle. It will find new life as a moving box and I found another source for storage and organizational items by accident. Always handy for a STUFFologist!

The final example is a box from Hello Fresh. This company provides home delivery for pre-portioned meal kits. A handy and healthy way to cook for a busy family. I learned something new while talking to the neighbor about food and time-constraints for cooking dinner.

Moving and the preparation for same can be a tedious and time-consuming process. Why not throw in some fun while you move away from clutter? Gathering boxes from random sources is a cost-effective and entertaining way to ease at least a small amount of tension from the moving process.

Digital Clutter Causes Computer Confusion

May 24, 2021/in Cluttergories/by Eric Riddle STUFFologist

How much do you rely on your computer, laptop, tablet, or smart phone? More than you may realize since they are heavily integrated into how we live day to day. The lines between work and leisure are blurred. And any of these devices have quick access to family and friends via social media.

I am old school with respect to technology. I use a desktop computer with a regular sized alpha-numeric keyboard, and a large, easy to read screen. Much like your car, it requires routine maintenance. Similarly, it will not last indefinitely, as much as we might want it to. Worse, the rapid pace of technological change quickly makes these items obsolete, or at least incompatible with the newest software for a given device.

What does that have to do with clutter? That depends on you and your preferred device. I strongly dislike the smaller screens of a smart phone, or tablet. And am less than enthusiastic about the usually compressed keyboard of a laptop. Hence my preference for my older desktop. But I allowed digital clutter to accumulate, causing unforeseen issues with my favorite device. That is, my desktop experienced Digital Clutter Confusion.

The wide variety of cloud storage options should give us the ability to work across devices when technology fails, but only if we use them. I am sorry to say that I had not kept up to date with my important files and am still dealing with the fallout for my lack of diligence.

You may have noticed a gap in blog posts for STUFFology101.com. That is my fault, and I sincerely apologize. Most of my information for the website is on my desktop. When my hard drive began to fail, I had difficulties accessing the information I needed to even login to the site. As with so many things in life, I learned the hard way to run regular backups and keep important passwords on physical paper in a safe location.

Equally important is keeping your software up to date, and ensuring your firewall, anti-virus, and/or malware programs are running and current. Self-evident I know, but random things happen in life. I have again learned the hard way that one should double check such things before you work or play on any device. Here is a handy list of computer maintenance tips you can reference to keep your device operating smoothly.

The benefit of computer or other technology problems we experience is discovering solutions that prevent them from occurring again. For me, I had time to reflect on my reliance on one specific piece of technology, my desktop. AND take a hard look at how much time I spent online working on a project or playing on social media. Too much screen time is a bad thing. More on that topic for a future post.

Luckily for me, I have recovered my important data. I have saved it to my cloud storage and a new portable external hard drive (just in case). Like physical clutter, I encourage you to take a moment TODAY to clear out those files you no longer need and lessen the digital clutter on that device. Hopefully, you learn from my mistake and avoid the inconvenience and frustration of device failure.

Time for Yourself

April 26, 2021/in Cluttergories/by Eric Riddle STUFFologist

Time goes by each day. How do you spend your time? Time management is important for our general health and happiness.

In STUFFology 101: Get Your Mind Out of the Clutter we note that, “All of us have 168 hours each week. How we fill those hours determines the quality of our lives.”

Are you busy? Probably. Life can be hectic for many of us. Temporal clutter often keeps us from taking time for ourselves.

Do you make time for yourself? If you don’t, your body will eventually protest.

Here are a few resources that may help:

The picture I chose for this blog post is a digital clock with a slightly off-kilter display. A useful metaphor for how we spend our time each day. That is, we can be off-kilter if we don’t take time for ourselves.

A quotation from Diane von Furstenberg reinforces this point well,

“It is so important to take time for yourself and find clarity. The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.”

Take time for yourself today!

Bonus quotations to further help you remember to take time for yourself.

Your Choice – Declutter Your Mind or Your Relationship

April 19, 2021/in Cluttergories/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

Have you been in a relationship where someone you cared about didn’t share what was bothering them? They held their thoughts inside.

I spent over 40 years in a thought-hoarding relationship.

It didn’t end well.

When we allow the clutter of thoughts and emotions to build for too long, we become toxic.

At some point, we have to release the pressure.

Scotland-based author, Don Johnson writes in his bio that he’s lived in meditative introspection as a monk and survived “the shark-infested waters of corporate America.” He offers a guide to saying aloud those things we have difficulty saying.

Why do we hold onto these thoughts when they can be so damaging over time?

Johnson’s view is that we fear we’ll be rejected or upset the other person.

Consider the long-term effects of toxicity.

Do you risk offending someone you care about? Or do you risk burning them after pummeling them with your pressure-cooker of problems?

I believe in dealing with issues as they come along. Bite-sized pieces are more palatable and digestible than swallowing months and even years of toxic thought-vomit.

Few relationships survive the drama that punctuates periods of pseudo-peace.

Explosive behaviors at their worst, result in violence and even fatalities. At the very least, they prove fatal to the life of the relationship.

Johnson offers four tips. Two are to be aware of and then detoxify our “left-hand column”—those thoughts and feelings we don’t express. The next is to having a learning mindset. Be open to other ways of thinking and seeing the world. Finally, he suggests we have a “kitchen conversation” (instead of a dining room conversation). This distinction alone is worth the time it will take to read this short article.

It’s time to face one another and have the difficult discussions. What do you have to lose?

ICYMI: BELIEFS – We Hold the Power to Change our Lives

Nature's beauty - Cottonwood Lake #3 Sierra Mountains

LETTING GO of PHYSICAL ACTIVITY

March 8, 2021/in Cluttergories/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

Losing Physical Ability Makes Way for Healing

Late last year, the orthopedic surgeon said, “Let’s talk about your activities.” Usually, this means, the patient is not moving enough. In my case, he was concerned. I was too active, like a hyperactive teenager.

So? What’s the problem, Doc?

This.

Heck, I’m 61, but my mental age hovers around 16; especially, in nature. I love hiking in the Sierras. I fell playing basketball with youngsters and injured my left foot, right wrist, and thumb. I injured my knee and shoulder after falling off a bike when the brakes malfunctioned. I’ve pushed through pain while running. I even considered popping a wheelie or two after seeing my 11-year-old homie do it!

aye, Aye, AYE!

I wanted to train for one more marathon. During an earlier visit, the 69-year-old orthopedic surgeon advised that I should train sooner than later. He said training is harder on our aging bodies than running the actual marathon. I even bought a decent pair of Nike running shoes after running the last marathon in Teva sandals.

The Hard Truth

After all these successive injuries, the doctor painted a shocking picture. I had to let go of training for the Los Angeles Marathon.

Welcome to mental clutter of the mind lamenting our physical (dis)abilities.

I’ll show him. I’m patient. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to run one more marathon… if not this year, the next, or in five years.

My body is no longer marathon material. Heck, after my 13-mile Sierra hike last summer, my body wants me to limit hikes to within 10 miles. My knees are breaking down. If I want to be able to walk and hike, I’d better let go of my running and daylong 13- to 20-mile hikes in the wilderness.

But first, my chiropractor knew how much I wanted to do this hike to the Hollywood sign in Los Angeles, so he taped my knee. Two days later, I was getting an MRI on that knee.

Letting Go of Physical Activity

Like others my age (and older), I’m dealing with enough aches and pains to need help carrying heavy things, like a case of sparkling water. I use assistive devices to open bottles as my arthritic fingers can’t grip tight enough.

We keep going. As my eighty-something aunt asked, “What are we going to do, die?”

I am thankful for what I am able to do. To think a friend I visited looked at how I hobbled around her home and struggled to lift things with my sore shoulder, and exclaimed, “You’re worse than I am!” (And she’s on disability!)

The Stream of Life Flows

Life is about letting go of stuff (physical, mental, emotional) to enjoy what’s left. I have a choice.

If I want to enjoy the fresh flow of water in the river of life and the ever-changing scenery along the banks, I need to let go of the limitations of my physical corpus clutter. To remain a fairly active youthful-spirited 61-year-old, I need to let go of parts of my 16-year-old self.

Rest to Recover and Enjoy Nature

I am resting more. My knees are getting stronger. While I can’t walk as far yet, physical therapy is helping me with greater range of motion and less pain. Recently, with enough NSAIDs and lots of sitting, I enjoyed a half-day outing at the Living Desert Zoo and Gardens in Palm Desert.

I want to keep going. I will LET GO of the mental clutter that accompanies the pain that comes with running. I will not play another game of basketball. What was I thinking? Before this recent stint, I hadn’t played since high school!

Besides, the Sierra Mountains are calling me to hike among pristine lakes this summer.

For a slightly different take on the cluttergories of the mind, read Down the Alice-in-Wonderland Rabbit Hole of Cluttergories and while we’re on the topic of nature, here’s a take on a weed-filled mind What’s on Your Mind?

Brenda Avadian 2021

Letting GO of Temporal and Mental Clutter to Let IN

February 22, 2021/in Cluttergories/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

Something will always fill the void
IF we let it.
We choose whether or not
We will leave the time and space open.

The Importance of Time

The older we grow; the more important time becomes.

At age 61, I find less of it. Even though, the actuaries say I’ll live another 30 years, painful arthritis is my annoying companion.

I’d better go on all my fun physical adventures now. Once my knees and shoulders get stronger (unless I need surgery), the Sierra Mountains will beckon me. By the next decade, who knows.

If there’s a silver lining in the COVID cloud it just may be the forced reflection and observation of how we’re passing each day.

Letting GO to Let IN

Letting Go to Let In has been a thread throughout quite a few of our STUFFology 101 posts.

It’s an important theme. Like eating, we can only ingest so much before we need to let go. Constipation is painful and dangerous.

With this, I’ve decided to let go of one of my long-standing organizational memberships.

While many are getting rid of their physical stuff there’s also all that non-physical stuff that fills our minds with mental clutter and steals away our limited time.

I have thought about why I need to let go in order to let in something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time.

Reduce the Clutter in Our Lives

When we reduce our temporal clutter, we open time for what’s important in our lives. When we reduce our physical clutter, we make space and clear some of our mental clutter. We need to take a serious look at the cluttergories we tolerate that needlessly fill our lives.

For two and a half years, I’ve postponed moving on in one area of my life. Being a loyalist, I’ve remained. Yet, the clock keeps ticking and I know I’d rather do the things that align with the direction I’m headed in, now.

Let in What Matters

For about a decade (maybe more), I’ve wanted to host a salon. Among the varying French traditions, these are meetings where self-proclaimed intellectuals discuss a topic in depth.

This intellectual pursuit re-energizes my passion for deeply thoughtful discussions about diverse topics.

The other activity I’ve wanted to re-engage in is serving my community with the Community Emergency Response Team (CERT).

We must decide what to let go to leave space and enough time in order to do what matters in our lives.

For more, click to read:

Less TV for More of What Matters

Treasured Books to Declutter

Letting go and Letting IN the World with Professor Dumpster

Constant Clutter Conspiring to Constrict Your Life?

What HAPPENED? Too much Time STUFF!

Deer Santa

December 7, 2020/in Cluttergories/by Eric Riddle STUFFologist

What do you do with worn-out Christmas decorations? The standard choices of keep, toss, or donate do not necessarily apply, especially if you are attached to an item for sentimental reasons. Ask yourself if you have Christmas clutter.

I have wire frame light up deer in my Christmas yard display that are certainly worn out. Over the years the lights have been replaced, but the frames themselves are looking rough in the daylight. But since the point is to show them at night, who cares?

That is the question I am asking myself this year. What to do?

My dad joke voice says ask Santa, “Deer Santa, my Christmas decorations are worn out. I don’t have the doe to replace them, they cost more than a buck.” My pragmatic voice says, “This is Christmas clutter.”

The worn-out decorations will take away from the overall display when it is completed. I have plenty of pictures and memories of my deer decorations.

Real world solution? Let them go.

Junk Mail of the Mind

November 23, 2020/in Cluttergories/by Eric Riddle STUFFologist

Mental clutter can be present in mysterious ways. For me, receiving junk mail addressed to my dad unleashes a flood of memories. He died in November of 2016. When I see junk mail for him, it is like picking an emotional scab.

How do I get my mind out of the clutter?

Regarding the junk mail (physical clutter), I contact the sender through the return envelope, phone number, or website to alert them to stop sending mail. Be patient, this takes time. Then shred or recycle the actual mail.

Regarding the mental clutter, I focus on good memories of my dad. To clear my head, I will talk to my wife or daughters, sharing a specific event about my dad that only I know. This has the dual benefit of further processing his loss for me and bringing my family closer to my dad with a usually humorous memory.

Get that junk mail out of your house and your mind.