Thoughts of Decluttering while on Vacation

A couple weeks ago, I returned from a week in California’s Napa and Sonoma valleys. My primary goal was to enjoy the beauty of wine country and secondly, to do a little wine tasting. COVID altered my plans to visit Tuscany, so I adapted. My eyes feasted on rolling vineyards, the beautiful Castello di Amorosa in Calistoga (pictured) and Jordan Winery’s French chateau in Healdsburg. I enjoyed private reserve tastings at three wineries in Santa Rosa, Sonoma, and Napa. Nature gifted me with her flora and fauna in Geyserville and Santa Rosa. I was in awe at the awesome power of the winds and waves of the Pacific Ocean below Bodega Head.

Purging Thoughts

An interesting thing happened while on this trip. Occasionally, I had mind-dialogues with my ex. At first, I felt a put-off by these intrusive thoughts. Ultimately, I am an optimist. I realized (the next day) that I was engaging in a healthy purging of mental clutter. Indulge me as I explain.

In relationships, people have different views of the world and how to navigate life. In my marriage, I lived with a lot of projections and negativity. I had no idea my ex was projecting his fears upon me and our relationship until early on across a dozen therapy sessions. While his personality was calm and unassuming, and mine, more socially outward, I was letting him control me.

As I enjoyed exploring Napa and Sonoma in my own way, these thoughts entered my mind. I refuse to carry baggage, so I let in these periodic controlling statements and then released them.

If I am truly responsible for creating the new chapters in my life, I must continue clearing out the dark corners in my mind.

“No, let’s not go there. These rental cars are not maintained. What if the car breaks down?”

I went anyway. I drove 300 miles of planned and unplanned adventures during the four-and-a-half days of my trip. I explored miles of rural beauty in Geyserville upon the sommelier’s recommendation. I drove up the windy road to Bodega Head. At the top, the wind was blowing so hard, I lost my footing several times trying to take pictures and shoot video from the cliffs above the seashore.

“You said we’d leave at 8. It’s already 8:45 and we’re going to be late for the wine tasting. Money we already paid, wasted.”

I left Santa Rosa, drove an hour southeast for a carne empanada (yummy) at El Porteño in Oxbow Market. I walked around the market and bought spices. Then I took a leisurely drive up to Frog’s Leap. Arriving early for the 11:15 wine tasting, I meandered upon the scenic grounds.

I prefer to learn from and then let go of the past. I live attentively in the present and find little regret or guilt with statements like “I should have…” “I wish I had…”. I am continually curious, learning new things, and open to adventure.

An article about gray divorces brought me comfort as it reflected my own situation. Men and women, post-divorce, seek different things. In short, men leave long-term relationships to find someone with whom to fill a void they perceive was missing. Women thrive on new experiences.

After living four-plus decades with more negativity than our marriage could endure, this trip was a welcome-journey filled with uplifting yesses. There will undoubtedly be more inner dialogues in the future. I’ll pay attention, in order to let go of more mental clutter.

For more, read Your Choice – Declutter Your Mind or Your Relationship.