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Mental Clutter - STUFFology101 graphic

The Future of STUFFology 101

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In the book Chrysalis, coach and author, Ann Vanino writes about cocooning. The caterpillar knows nothing of what the future holds and yet, prepares a cocoon for a metamorphosis into a beautiful creature that takes flight.

Fifty Years of Clutter Awareness

For over fifty years, since I was a pre-teen, I have been aware of clutter due to my parents’ penchant for saying “yes” to anything that was free and then not being able to let go. Forty-five years later, after my mother died and my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, I cleared their home. We’ve all read the stories of apartment-sized dumpsters of possessions being discarded. That was my experience. Forty years after those childhood experiences, and in my fifties, I realized I had a talent for helping others release their own life cocoons created by physical, mental, and temporal clutter.

Eric Riddle joined me, and together we have written articles about decluttering and a book, STUFFology 101: Get Your Mind Out of the Clutter. We advocate the process of S.T.U.F.F.—that is, Start. Trust. Understand. Focus. Finish.

Success Requires Commitment

The truth is, many of us need stronger faith and commitment to the task we set our minds to. Consider all the New Year’s resolutions that are broken long before the change of seasons.

To be able to stand back and truly marvel at one’s success is often the result of dedicated and focused effort. Like the caterpillar, our unyielding effort magnifies into an unexpected magical creation.

Larger Impact for Limited Time

We need to have a larger impact if we want to ensure our limited time is well-invested.

Mental Clutter - STUFFology101 graphicLate last year, I posted, We NEED Your HELP – Please Read and Comment. Surprisingly, we did not receive a single comment or email answering the questions I posed in the article. We did receive one heartfelt and thought-provoking email, which still warms my heart.

While the clutter world is filled with extremes—Marie Kondo’s anthropomorphic approach of imbuing life-energy to possessions before letting go of those that don’t spark joy to the tough love and therapeutic approach with extreme hoarders—STUFFology 101 continues to urge clutter bugs to define an area of clutter and to take the S.T.U.F.F. steps in letting go.

Time passes more quickly, the older I grow. How I invest my time is more important, because it is time I can never get back. The same is true for you.

I know what it means to live without a lot of STUFF. I feel lighter after working through an area of accumulated clutter. I feel JOY after gifting someone with something I no longer need. I find pleasure knowing I have no desire to accumulate possessions.

Do I share these experiences in weekly articles on STUFFology101.com? Bi-weekly articles? Monthly articles? Do I work on another book? Do I totally reconfigure the website? These are some of the questions I will begin asking as I take time to enter a STUFFology cocoon.

In the interim, look for a major announcement Eric will be sharing this month.

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We NEED Your HELP – Please Read and Comment

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During the Fall Season of 2020, co-author Eric and I agreed to redirect our time and effort to write an article every other week. Between the two of us, we figured you would have an article a week to read and digest. We wrote articles that would be timely enough for you to apply to your life.

STUFFology-101-Get Your Mind Out of the Clutter book coverWe thought our investment of time would ripple beyond our immediate circle. We wanted our message to gain traction and reach people beyond our first and second connections. We hoped our words would help more people clear physical, mental, temporal… clutter from their lives.

As we continue spending more time at home, COVID and its variants alter our life plans.

We anticipated delivering coaching sessions via ZOOM while producing follow-on materials to our bestselling title, STUFFology101: Get Your Mind Out of the Clutter.

Progress Report

It has been 14 months since we made and implemented our joint commitment. We are grateful for our dedicated fans who respond and share. Yet, I’ve been asking myself, lately—What impact am I having for the time I invest in writing these articles?

I’m growing older and antsy about time well spent.

We should all seek to manage our limited time more productively—for things that are having an impact. Time is the only thing that passes and cannot be recovered. I want to feel this part of my life’s purpose touching our devoted fans and then rippling far beyond. When more people are engaged and responsive, the energy created is contagious and fuels us to produce more.

Here is Where I Need Your HELP

As we set our sights on 2022, I ask for YOUR ADVICE regarding the following:

  1. What impact are we having?
    Your words will help us if you are specific and share the URL(s) of one (or two) of the articles you found impactful and how.
  2. Shall we continue?
  3. What shall we do differently that will enable us to create wider ripples?
    We’re all in this together and can gain insights from one another.

Be brave. (We have been brave carving out time to post for 14 months.)
Post your comment below, or… if you rather write to us, please email EricRiddle@STUFFology101.com.

I will write a follow-up post on January 10.

Declutter Tug of War Past Present Future

Declutter Tug-of-War with Past, Present, and Future

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Recently, I reviewed notes I had keyed in my journal, two years ago. At the time, I was packing to leave the rural mountain I called home for 15 years—the home, my then-husband and I said we’d live in until the paramedics carried us out on stretchers.

Time has a way of changing things and we’re each living our own lives. I accumulated many books and a lot of paperwork over my nearly 40-year career. I taught at three universities and one college plus served as a consultant for corporations and organizations. Additionally, I had files of notes and editions of the nine books I had written plus notes of the many speeches I’d given since 1980.

As I write this, I recall a dear friend and prolific author’s words during one of our telephone calls, “I’m embarrassed to admit this, Brenda, but I have notes that almost reach the ceiling for books I have yet to write. I feel overwhelmed.”

And here I am lamenting that I have a half file drawer full!

Clutter is relative. Her tall pile of notes held potential for her future. She had written over 40 books at the time. For me, too many notes drain me of energy. I stop. I feel too sluggish to move.

And so, our lives march on with an ongoing tug-of-war with clutter.

Clutter Tug-of-War – Past. Present. Future.

We must decide how much of the past we let tug at us versus how much energy we devote to our future while we potentially tear apart our present.

Declutter Tug of War Past Present Future

That year, 2019, I had to make some difficult decisions. The future would not unfold in the way I envisioned. I had to let go of what I had defined as clutter. It was time to create a present with far fewer possessions.

While I’ve always welcomed having less, it’s an uncomfortable feeling to let go of what I had for so long. It’s almost as if I’m saying, I have no future. While not true, it takes some getting used to when one’s present circumstances necessitates a revision to one’s future.

I also know from working with downsizing elders, that going through the process sooner will make it less stressful than if I had to do it in my later years.

Let Go.

As difficult as it may be to let go now, the process has made me far more conscientious as a consumer. Fortunately, I’m not one for shopping for the sake of seeing what’s out there. If I need something, I’ll buy it. Usually, it’s to replace something that no longer works for me. This means I accumulate very little.

With the holidays coming up, friends hint at the gifts they’d like to buy for me. I remind them to gift me with experiences we can enjoy together. This way, instead of having one more thing to deal with, I will treasure a memorable experience.

I had long welcomed a reduction in possessions. The more stuff we have the more our energy goes to maintaining our physical possessions instead spending time with one another. Based on square feet alone, I’ve given up 80% of living space.

I feel far less stress in more intimate surroundings that are easier to manage. Instead of fixing, cleaning, storing, and maintaining possessions I am enjoying meaningful experiences with people.

Let Go to Let In

Since the age of 10 when I grew aware of such things, I’ve learned how much we allow our possessions—whether physical or mental to control our lives.

When we decide and then take steps to let go, we open ourselves to wondrous experiences, ones we cannot even imagine.

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Say It! Say What Bothers You and Let Go of Mental Clutter

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Consistency is one theme I often write about. Because without consistent action, we lose progress toward our goals.

Say It… Immediately. Compassionately.

In today’s article, I want to encourage those of you who hold things in, to find ways to share your feelings. Consistently. Otherwise, you let your feelings fester too long and then you live with a double-whammy of negativity. Over time, you create chemical imbalances in your body that lead to illness, even cancer. Your behavior also negatively impacts relationships with those who matter to you.

Find ways to share your feelings in a constructive manner filled with compassion. I consider feedback a gift in our self-absorbed world. Don’t believe me? Look around when you’re in a public space. When we take time to figure out how to share our feelings and thoughts compassionately, we strengthen the building blocks of our relationships and live healthier lives.

Forget It. Let It Go.

I’ve been rereading parts of Neurologist, Lisa Genova’s recent book, which I reviewed a couple months ago, here: Remember – The Science of Memory and the Art of Forgetting.

In Chapter 11, titled, Fuggedaboutit, she writes how we can forget negative and emotionally charged memories. Her words can be especially helpful to people dealing with trauma.

Genova helped me to find a constructive way to let go of some of my own negative memories. While I tend to err on the side of positivity; meaning, I tend to easily let go of negative experiences. I choose not to hold on. Yet, there remain a couple areas in my life that surface now and then. Genova’s advice to stop thinking about and even retelling these experiences, helps us to let go. In doing so, we physically break the connections among our brain cells. Gone. Forgotten. We must stop giving those memories life in order to starve and kill off those neuronal connections in our brain.Mental Clutter - STUFFology101 graphic

Release Mental Clutter

Consistently practicing both–sharing what bothers us immediately, and letting go of traumatic memories–helps us to release the mental clutter in our minds affecting our lives.

Doing so has made me realize one more thing. This involves physical clutter—my books. I’ll say it. Well, I’ll write about it here, at least.

Timeless Tomes of Knowledge? Not Really.

For years, I’ve saved “timeless treasured tomes” of knowledge. As I reread some of these books, they are no longer as timeless as I once believed. Even those books from leading thinkers who with marketing powerhouses have built massive followings. I’ve integrated some of their ideas into my life development.

It’s time to let them go. I continue to contribute my books to other readers. This way, I open up more physical and mental space to embrace newer ideas and ways of thinking.

There are times we don’t know what holds us back. In other words, we don’t know what we don’t know. Two ways to expand our ways of seeing are reading and having open-minded conversations with others. We humans are a fickle bunch—committed intermittently; and thus, our unpredictable results.

When we open the doors for dialog, we live healthier lives. Reading books and having conversations with others, will help us to find ways to express our thoughts constructively and compassionately as we take steps closer to our goals.

More ways to clear our mental clutter

Nature's beauty - Cottonwood Lake #3 Sierra Mountains

LETTING GO of PHYSICAL ACTIVITY

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Losing Physical Ability Makes Way for Healing

Late last year, the orthopedic surgeon said, “Let’s talk about your activities.” Usually, this means, the patient is not moving enough. In my case, he was concerned. I was too active, like a hyperactive teenager.

So? What’s the problem, Doc?

This.

Heck, I’m 61, but my mental age hovers around 16; especially, in nature. I love hiking in the Sierras. I fell playing basketball with youngsters and injured my left foot, right wrist, and thumb. I injured my knee and shoulder after falling off a bike when the brakes malfunctioned. I’ve pushed through pain while running. I even considered popping a wheelie or two after seeing my 11-year-old homie do it!

aye, Aye, AYE!

I wanted to train for one more marathon. During an earlier visit, the 69-year-old orthopedic surgeon advised that I should train sooner than later. He said training is harder on our aging bodies than running the actual marathon. I even bought a decent pair of Nike running shoes after running the last marathon in Teva sandals.

The Hard Truth

After all these successive injuries, the doctor painted a shocking picture. I had to let go of training for the Los Angeles Marathon.

Welcome to mental clutter of the mind lamenting our physical (dis)abilities.

I’ll show him. I’m patient. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to run one more marathon… if not this year, the next, or in five years.

My body is no longer marathon material. Heck, after my 13-mile Sierra hike last summer, my body wants me to limit hikes to within 10 miles. My knees are breaking down. If I want to be able to walk and hike, I’d better let go of my running and daylong 13- to 20-mile hikes in the wilderness.

Climbing uneven terrain in Griffith Park Los Angeles

Taped knee for stability before a hike

But first, my chiropractor knew how much I wanted to do this hike to the Hollywood sign in Los Angeles, so he taped my knee. Two days later, I was getting an MRI on that knee.

Letting Go of Physical Activity

Like others my age (and older), I’m dealing with enough aches and pains to need help carrying heavy things, like a case of sparkling water. I use assistive devices to open bottles as my arthritic fingers can’t grip tight enough.

We keep going. As my eighty-something aunt asked, “What are we going to do, die?” 

I am thankful for what I am able to do. To think a friend I visited looked at how I hobbled around her home and struggled to lift things with my sore shoulder, and exclaimed, “You’re worse than I am!” (And she’s on disability!) 

The Stream of Life Flows

Life is about letting go of stuff (physical, mental, emotional) to enjoy what’s left. I have a choice.

If I want to enjoy the fresh flow of water in the river of life and the ever-changing scenery along the banks, I need to let go of the limitations of my physical corpus clutter. To remain a fairly active youthful-spirited 61-year-old, I need to let go of parts of my 16-year-old self.

Rest to Recover and Enjoy Nature

I am resting more. My knees are getting stronger. While I can’t walk as far yet, physical therapy is helping me with greater range of motion and less pain. Recently, with enough NSAIDs and lots of sitting, I enjoyed a half-day outing at the Living Desert Zoo and Gardens in Palm Desert. 

I want to keep going. I will LET GO of the mental clutter that accompanies the pain that comes with running. I will not play another game of basketball. What was I thinking? Before this recent stint, I hadn’t played since high school! 

Besides, the Sierra Mountains are calling me to hike among pristine lakes this summer.

For a slightly different take on the cluttergories of the mind, read Down the Alice-in-Wonderland Rabbit Hole of Cluttergories and while we’re on the topic of nature, here’s a take on a weed-filled mind What’s on Your Mind?

 

Junk Mail of the Mind

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Mental clutter can be present in mysterious ways. For me, receiving junk mail addressed to my dad unleashes a flood of memories. He died in November of 2016. When I see junk mail for him, it is like picking an emotional scab.

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How do I get my mind out of the clutter?

Regarding the junk mail (physical clutter), I contact the sender through the return envelope, phone number, or website to alert them to stop sending mail. Be patient, this takes time. Then shred or recycle the actual mail.

Regarding the mental clutter, I focus on good memories of my dad. To clear my head, I will talk to my wife or daughters, sharing a specific event about my dad that only I know. This has the dual benefit of further processing his loss for me and bringing my family closer to my dad with a usually humorous memory.

Get that junk mail out of your house and your mind.

Cluttered Garage - ER

Constant Clutter Conspiring to Constrict Your Life?

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Help is on the way!  During this COVID-19 period of limiting travel and social contacts, STUFFology 101, co-author, Eric Riddle and I met to discuss reinstituting regular STUFFology 101 decluttering tips to help you while we’re all spending more time at home.

With all this time, we have the cleanest homes, right?

Nooooo?

Cluttered Garage - ER

 

While we try to set a good example as STUFFologists, we’ve also been dealing with our mental and physical clutter, while balancing the temporal cluttergory of our lives.

Months from now, WILL WE regret wasting away our days and weeks, not having used this valuable time to get things done?

Why have regret, when we can take steps, starting now?

Eric and I will post short digestible tips each Monday at 8:00AM PST.  Visit us for real-life tips you can apply to the cluttergories in your life.

We invite you to join and engage with us by sharing your own experiences.

Together we will get our minds out of the clutter.

STUFFology 101 REVIEW – The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

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The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up Marie KondoMarie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up takes a Samurai’s approach to ridding ourselves of physical clutter.

Written before the 2011 Tōhoku earthquake in Japan her book was released just in time to fill an urgent need of thousands of displaced families in Japan who needed to decide what to keep and what to let go.

Since then it has topped the bestseller list.

Rarely one to join the bandwagon, something drew me to this little hardcover English translation of Kondo’s book. As I read the pages, one incessant question wouldn’t go away: Who is this woman?

Who is Marie Kondo?

Very little has been published beyond the same biographical information rehashed in the media including the major media. Usually, one can find enough information online to satiate one’s curiosity; but Kondo is holding onto her privacy like Ft. Knox.

If you were going to undertake a drastic life shift by ridding yourself of mementos and even family pics, you’d want to be assured that the person advising you has a lifetime of knowledge grounded in research. What are her credentials? The best I could find is a kindergartener who loved to tidy up and a quarter century later, at age thirty, married, without children, advises us to rid ourselves of anything that doesn’t “spark joy.”

What if Kondo has children and later discovers a need to hold onto her children’s treasures? What will be her advice to those parents who hopped on the KonMari bandwagon to rid themselves of these possessions?

As a reader and STUFFologist, I am raising the red flag. Buyer beware of following a young lady who felt alone as a child and felt comforted by breathing life into her possessions. Today, due to timing and the forces of marketing (remember, the pet rock craze?), she’s a 2-million copy best-selling author without clear credentials.

What Works

Still, I do agree with a number of her ideas.

  1. Put things back where they belong.
  2. Take care of your things and they’ll take care of you.
  3. Fold and/or roll socks without folding over and stretching out the cuffs.
  4. Fold underwear compactly in threes.
  5. Fold and store each item vertically like books on a bookshelf, and not stacked atop one another where you’ll forget what’s at the bottom.

I do not agree with her self-admitted impatience. Although, that’s just me. I tend to be patient in our world hungry for instant fixes.

I do like organizing my clothes in my drawers and Kondo’s technique appeals to me. However, I do not agree with her technique of folding T-shirts. I’m rather meticulous in my approach and as many times as I tried, I could not find the wrinkle-free sweet spot for my cotton shirts made in the U.S.A., Vietnam, China, Nicaragua, or Jordan. Admittedly, I don’t have any made in Japan, while Kondo does.

I did apply her “Does this spark joy?” criteria to one third of the books on one of my bookshelves. IT WORKED. Yet, those that didn’t spark joy remain in a pile on the floor in front of the bookshelf with a space remaining where they once more. Now, I must take care not to stub my toe on the stack on the floor below.

Our Need for Quick Fixes

We’re a society who wants quick fixes. We want success, now. We lack patience. Kondo advises completing our decluttering in one major effort until something clicks and you’ll never have to do it again.

I’m not sure Kondo’s quick-fix click is a lifetime fix. Kondo admits to being impatient—needing it done right now. But just as eating fast food frequently results in poor health and crash diets are following by even greater weight gain, crash decluttering may result in long-term regrets. In fact, it may create an even greater problem, such as hoarding for fear of future loss.

What we need is patience and mindful accumulating of the things we need. In these ways, we develop life-changing habits for the long haul. I’m under the impression Kondo’s obsession with tidiness is due to her desire to shop and bring things into her space to feel good. Now, a walk in nature. Ahhh that feels good.

 

Cut Through the Clutter

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What unexpected gifts will unveil themselves to you when you cut through the clutter?

In STUFFology 101: Get Your Mind Out of the Clutter, we discuss the five categories of clutter, which we call cluttergories. They are physical, mental, digital, temporal and sensual. Clutter has an ebb and flow to it, just like life. How we define our clutter may change.

Recently my Dad has been making improvements to his home, discovering areas of clutter in the process. One hall closet in particular had several shoe boxes full of old pictures (remember the print kind?) that were stored at random. My daughter Maggie volunteered to sort them out and organize them for my Dad so the whole family could enjoy them.

We took all the boxes home for easier sorting, and to help cut through the clutter at my Dad’s house! My first unexpected gift came shortly thereafter. As Maggie went through each box of pictures she would stop to ask who or what was in a given photo. It is amazing what memories (my unexpected gift) came into focus as I answered her questions. Of course there were questions that neither I nor my wife could answer about certain photos. That’s not a problem because a sticky note to mark that photo will do the trick short term. Maybe my Dad can provide the answers.  Unexpected-Gifts_Cut-Through-the-Clutter_05272015 - Copy

His pictures are now neatly organized in new photo boxes. As he looks through them in the future he will enjoy a pleasant stroll down memory lane, an unexpected gift worth giving.

Maggie was inspired to review and sort the family photos at our house as a result of this project. Fortunately my wife keeps them in pretty good order already. This is when I received my second unexpected gift. The photos triggered pleasant memories for sure, but also motivated me to take action.

Looking at my skinnier self from years ago, coupled with some good-natured teasing from my daughter, motivated me to lose weight. Getting back in shape is something I have been working at half-heartedly for most of this year, with limited success. Pictures tell a tale that is difficult to ignore.

The physical clutter of printed pictures has motivated me to get in better physical shape. What cluttergories are impacting your life?  Cut through that clutter to unveil an unexpected gift that is unique to you.

Alice in Wonderland Small door

Down the Alice-in-Wonderland Rabbit Hole of Cluttergories

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When one part of our lives grows cluttered, so do other parts of our lives. Hence, the term we’ve coined to describe various areas of clutter – cluttergories.

When we think of clutter, it often deals with physical clutter—the stuff that makes us fear judgment by others.

What kind of person do we become when we hold onto these feelings?

Do our fears affect our relationships with others?

Beyond the obvious—don’t invite anybody over to see our clutter—what signals are we sending by our behavior?

Are we at risk of falling down the Alice-in-Wonderland rabbit hole of cluttergories?

Alice in Wonderland Rabbit


Let’s turn the tables for a moment.

We’ve all experienced relationships when we get to know someone initially and feel comfortable. Somewhere along the line, we start feeling the person is holding back. It’s not the shy or introverted behavior; rather, the kind of withholding that creates an inexplicable void in a relationship.

Some people tend to dismiss such observations as thinking too much. The reality is, we humans are far more observant and can sense anomalies in our relationships—things that don’t add up—well before we learn the truth.

Now, let’s look at ourselves.

I don’t intend to address the psychology of human behavior. Instead, I’m trying to raise awareness that such voids in our relationships may serve as clues to the struggles we have with the different cluttergories in our lives.

Whether it starts with physical clutter—what we observe easily—and then radiates outward to the burden of mental clutter. Or it starts in our mind with secrets we hold onto so tightly, we spiral into a life filled with sensual clutter; such as, too much entertainment, alcohol, or food.

Cluttergories play a greater role in our lives than many of us are willing to admit. Unless we do something about them, we’ll continue bearing the burden for a lifetime.

Isn’t it time, we crawl out of the rabbit hole and let the light create awareness?