NAPA Wine Country Castello di Amorosa in Calistoga-tcv

Thoughts of Decluttering while on Vacation

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A couple weeks ago, I returned from a week in California’s Napa and Sonoma valleys. My primary goal was to enjoy the beauty of wine country and secondly, to do a little wine tasting. COVID altered my plans to visit Tuscany, so I adapted. My eyes feasted on rolling vineyards, the beautiful Castello di Amorosa in Calistoga (pictured) and Jordan Winery’s French chateau in Healdsburg. I enjoyed private reserve tastings at three wineries in Santa Rosa, Sonoma, and Napa. Nature gifted me with her flora and fauna in Geyserville and Santa Rosa. I was in awe at the awesome power of the winds and waves of the Pacific Ocean below Bodega Head.

NAPA Wine Country Castello di Amorosa in Calistoga-tcv

Purging Thoughts

An interesting thing happened while on this trip. Occasionally, I had mind-dialogues with my ex. At first, I felt a put-off by these intrusive thoughts. Ultimately, I am an optimist. I realized (the next day) that I was engaging in a healthy purging of mental clutter. Indulge me as I explain.

In relationships, people have different views of the world and how to navigate life. In my marriage, I lived with a lot of projections and negativity. I had no idea my ex was projecting his fears upon me and our relationship until early on across a dozen therapy sessions. While his personality was calm and unassuming, and mine, more socially outward, I was letting him control me.

As I enjoyed exploring Napa and Sonoma in my own way, these thoughts entered my mind. I refuse to carry baggage, so I let in these periodic controlling statements and then released them.

If I am truly responsible for creating the new chapters in my life, I must continue clearing out the dark corners in my mind.

“No, let’s not go there. These rental cars are not maintained. What if the car breaks down?”

I went anyway. I drove 300 miles of planned and unplanned adventures during the four-and-a-half days of my trip. I explored miles of rural beauty in Geyserville upon the sommelier’s recommendation. I drove up the windy road to Bodega Head. At the top, the wind was blowing so hard, I lost my footing several times trying to take pictures and shoot video from the cliffs above the seashore.Bodega Head - Avadian photo

“You said we’d leave at 8. It’s already 8:45 and we’re going to be late for the wine tasting. Money we already paid, wasted.”

I left Santa Rosa, drove an hour southeast for a carne empanada (yummy) at El Porteño in Oxbow Market. I walked around the market and bought spices. Then I took a leisurely drive up to Frog’s Leap. Arriving early for the 11:15 wine tasting, I meandered upon the scenic grounds.

I prefer to learn from and then let go of the past. I live attentively in the present and find little regret or guilt with statements like “I should have…” “I wish I had…”. I am continually curious, learning new things, and open to adventure.

An article about gray divorces brought me comfort as it reflected my own situation. Men and women, post-divorce, seek different things. In short, men leave long-term relationships to find someone with whom to fill a void they perceive was missing. Women thrive on new experiences.

After living four-plus decades with more negativity than our marriage could endure, this trip was a welcome-journey filled with uplifting yesses. There will undoubtedly be more inner dialogues in the future. I’ll pay attention, in order to let go of more mental clutter.

For more, read Your Choice – Declutter Your Mind or Your Relationship.

Digital Clutter Causes Computer Confusion

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How much do you rely on your computer, laptop, tablet, or smart phone? More than you may realize since they are heavily integrated into how we live day to day. The lines between work and leisure are blurred. And any of these devices have quick access to family and friends via social media.

I am old school with respect to technology. I use a desktop computer with a regular sized alpha-numeric keyboard, and a large, easy to read screen. Much like your car, it requires routine maintenance. Similarly, it will not last indefinitely, as much as we might want it to. Worse, the rapid pace of technological change quickly makes these items obsolete, or at least incompatible with the newest software for a given device.

What does that have to do with clutter? That depends on you and your preferred device. I strongly dislike the smaller screens of a smart phone, or tablet. And am less than enthusiastic about the usually compressed keyboard of a laptop. Hence my preference for my older desktop. But I allowed digital clutter to accumulate, causing unforeseen issues with my favorite device. That is, my desktop experienced Digital Clutter Confusion.

The wide variety of cloud storage options should give us the ability to work across devices when technology fails, but only if we use them. I am sorry to say that I had not kept up to date with my important files and am still dealing with the fallout for my lack of diligence.

You may have noticed a gap in blog posts for STUFFology101.com. That is my fault, and I sincerely apologize. Most of my information for the website is on my desktop. When my hard drive began to fail, I had difficulties accessing the information I needed to even login to the site. As with so many things in life, I learned the hard way to run regular backups and keep important passwords on physical paper in a safe location.

Equally important is keeping your software up to date, and ensuring your firewall, anti-virus, and/or malware programs are running and current. Self-evident I know, but random things happen in life. I have again learned the hard way that one should double check such things before you work or play on any device. Here is a handy list of computer maintenance tips you can reference to keep your device operating smoothly.

The benefit of computer or other technology problems we experience is discovering solutions that prevent them from occurring again. For me, I had time to reflect on my reliance on one specific piece of technology, my desktop. AND take a hard look at how much time I spent online working on a project or playing on social media. Too much screen time is a bad thing. More on that topic for a future post.

Luckily for me, I have recovered my important data. I have saved it to my cloud storage and a new portable external hard drive (just in case). Like physical clutter, I encourage you to take a moment TODAY to clear out those files you no longer need and lessen the digital clutter on that device. Hopefully, you learn from my mistake and avoid the inconvenience and frustration of device failure.

Brenda Avadian with Lisa Lopez on her birthday

A Walk Down Memory Lane

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Remember the banker’s box I wrote about in last month’s Decluttering a Mountain in My Mind? Well, I almost titled this post, A Painful Walk Down Memory Lane.

Older Friends and Colleagues Have Passed Away

When you have worked with people and have friends who are much older than you, you may never see them again after losing touch over the years. You’ll only be able to savor the memories.

A spry colleague, about 25 years my senior and a long-time contributing member in our community, passed away last year shortly before the COVID-19 shutdown. While going through my older paperwork as The Caregiver’s Voice—helping family members and professionals who care for people with dementia, I found her number and called. Disconnected. I looked online and found a more current associate of hers who relayed the information of her passing to me. She led a Parkinson’s support group in our valley until the very end.

Memories Tucked Away

Among the papers I was looking through was a yellow-lined sheet of paper torn from a small notepad. On it, in her writing, was her name, address and telephone number. I searched for her online as she was of immense help to me in scoring the music I co-composed to commemorate the Bicentennial of the US Constitution, while serving among Alverno College’s faculty. I called her and left a message. I will call her once more since I didn’t receive a call back. It would be nice to touch base after more than a third century since we last saw one another.

Hesitate to Reach Out to Someone?

We’ve all done it. We don’t call because we fear or figure the person could call us. Fair enough. I have a public presence and it’s easy for someone who desires to reconnect to reach out to me. Some of my friends and even family members are so private, I’m not sure what they’ve been doing for the last quarter century.

Still, it’s up to us. I choose to reach out to those people along the river of my life who I think about. I wonder how their lives unfolded. I have reached out, including family members, who won’t return my calls or respond to letters or even birthday cards. After several tries, I’ve learned to let go. While I miss them, they may not miss me or need me in their lives. Meanwhile, I enjoy reconnecting and learning about those who are willing to share life’s adventures across the years.

Consider this. If you hesitate to call someone, turn the tables. Imagine if out of the blue, three decades later, someone calls you and says, I was going through some old paperwork and found some notes and have been thinking about you.

Brenda Avadian with Lisa Lopez on her birthday

How would you feel?

WOW!

The world we live in today is increasingly self-focused. Most appear to avoid contact with their faces buried in smartphones. Attention has gone virtual.

You never know what unexpected gift you could give another or receive by reconnecting. At the very least, reconnecting it likely have a positive effect on both of your lives.

Inspire us. Let us know what you have done.