Unexpected Gifts for Christmas

December 20, 2021/in Unexpected Gifts/by Eric Riddle STUFFologist

As December winds to a close I wish everyone reading this Happy Holidays!

I have an injury (broken foot) that has limited my mobility for several weeks but have discovered some Unexpected Gifts as I continue to heal.

One such Unexpected Gift is appreciation. That is, I have a much better appreciation for mobility in terms of walking and driving. Since I am supposed to keep my foot elevated as much as possible, I cannot walk much. Since I have a splint and protective boot I cannot drive either. Fortunately, my wife can take me where I need to go, so I appreciate her more than usual.

Another Unexpected Gift is simplicity. I enjoy Christmas and particularly like outdoor lights and lawn décor. My injury has restricted my ability to do much outdoors, including using a ladder. I therefore had to cherry pick only a few items that I could easily put out for decoration.

Each has special meaning to me and has the added benefit of a clean and simple yard presentation.

The final Unexpected Gift is organization. I have written about Christmas Clutter in the past. I have made progress with my garage clutter over the last few weeks. My lawn decorations are more organized since I could only put a handful out this year.

What Unexpected Gifts can you find in a less than ideal situation? My injury uncovered three for me. I leave you with a quote from Bill Keane, creator of The Family Circus:

“Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.”

The MAGIC of Incremental Improvement

October 25, 2021/in Unexpected Gifts/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

If We Could Accept Progress Step-by-Step

Popular self-help books promote the idea that if we can switch our thinking, we will live lives of abundance (attraction theory, self- affirmations). Things will magically click and we’ll be happy bazillionaires!

Honestly, that’s not the way things work. Sure, you may have spurts of success here and there, but to really see solid growth you need to accept that incremental gains through consistent steps toward your goal are where there are magical-compound results.

Compounded Gains

Finance people and investment advisors have been talking about the benefits of compounded growth. If you’ve missed it, here’s a quick overview.

If you invested just $100 and added only $5 a month for 5 years while earning a measly 4% compound interest, you’d end up with a jaw-dropping 447% increase. If you had instead invested $5 a month (after your initial $100 investment) in an ETF such as Vanguard’s S&P, You would have $637.60 after 16.86% annual compound growth. (This return is as of 9/30/2021 and accounts for that massive dip in March 2020.) Now, imagine if you had invested $1,000, initially, and added $50 a month. You’d have $6,376!

Most often, we see similar results after we direct consistent effort toward other goals in our life.

Unexpected Gifts

When we take one step and then another, consistently, we compound our progress toward miraculous gains!

Consistency is the key. One step at a time.

We hate it because that’s not the message we get from best-selling books and seminars. Yet, this is how people grow impressive nest eggs. This is how people declutter without suffering trauma because they let go too soon a sentimental memento or family heirloom. Sure, there are stories of seemingly overnight successes; but what we usually don’t hear and see are the months if not years of consistent action. The same holds true for today’s bitcoin millionaires.

Steps repeated consistently over time will yield unexpected gifts. Actually, they are expected because we’ve worked consistently toward them. They’re UNexpected when the magic of compound growth results from small steps taken repeatedly to build upon the earlier ones.

Whether decluttering or building something awesome, it takes time and dedicated effort. Consider the awesome beauty of this medieval castle built using old-style workmanship that now attracts visitors from around the world.

Dario Sattui’s all-consuming passion to build “13th century Tuscan castle winery to honor his Italian heritage and deep love for medieval architecture” began in 1994. He completed the Castello di Amorosa 15 years later. It was his labor of love.

Declutter to Avoid being Frozen in Time and Place

July 12, 2021/in Unexpected Gifts/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

Decluttering will be the easiest for you to tackle, today. Tomorrow, and with each passing day, the process will be more challenging.

The longer we postpone accomplishing a task, the more difficult it becomes. Our thoughts about getting it done—mental clutter—raises our stress level. The older we grow, the busier we get and the more quickly we tire.

Making time now to declutter gives us control over what we keep, sell, gift to others, or toss. We don’t want a flood, fire, earthquake, or other calamity to dictate the destruction of our sentimental family mementos.

Decluttering now also means we reduce our consumption of want-to-have but do-not-need items. These items that bring short-term joy, not only clutter our space, they deplete our finances, and ultimately make our lives more stressful. You’d be surprised how great the burden when we carry more stuff than we need.

I found this quote (source unknown) particularly impactful: move away from attachment to the stuff of life and toward a way of life.

And yet, I see so many, frozen in time and place—trapped by their possessions. I grew up in a household of too much stuff. My parents could not say no. The lessons of unburdening their home of 45 years of possessions have contributed to my ongoing process of letting go and acquiring only what I need.

Whether it’s the physical stuff that occupies our space or the mental clutter that clouds our thoughts, we are weighed down—anchored. Until we declutter, we will be unable to move toward a freer way of life.

While progress is slow, such as when my (now ex-) husband I were going through my late father’s paperwork as his brain became increasingly riddled by dementia and later, Alzheimer’s, the pace will pick up. While unexpected gifts such as The U.S. Savings Bonds Windfall, are rare, the gift we receive with each step we take, will make the process go quicker. It’s uncanny, how that works, but we need to start, now.

Only then will we melt the icy grip of our possessions (mental and physical) and clear space in order to may enjoy more of what life has to offer.

Brenda Avadian with Lisa Lopez on her birthday

A Walk Down Memory Lane

May 3, 2021/in Unexpected Gifts/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

Remember the banker’s box I wrote about in last month’s Decluttering a Mountain in My Mind? Well, I almost titled this post, A Painful Walk Down Memory Lane.

Older Friends and Colleagues Have Passed Away

When you have worked with people and have friends who are much older than you, you may never see them again after losing touch over the years. You’ll only be able to savor the memories.

A spry colleague, about 25 years my senior and a long-time contributing member in our community, passed away last year shortly before the COVID-19 shutdown. While going through my older paperwork as The Caregiver’s Voice—helping family members and professionals who care for people with dementia, I found her number and called. Disconnected. I looked online and found a more current associate of hers who relayed the information of her passing to me. She led a Parkinson’s support group in our valley until the very end.

Memories Tucked Away

Among the papers I was looking through was a yellow-lined sheet of paper torn from a small notepad. On it, in her writing, was her name, address and telephone number. I searched for her online as she was of immense help to me in scoring the music I co-composed to commemorate the Bicentennial of the US Constitution, while serving among Alverno College’s faculty. I called her and left a message. I will call her once more since I didn’t receive a call back. It would be nice to touch base after more than a third century since we last saw one another.

Hesitate to Reach Out to Someone?

We’ve all done it. We don’t call because we fear or figure the person could call us. Fair enough. I have a public presence and it’s easy for someone who desires to reconnect to reach out to me. Some of my friends and even family members are so private, I’m not sure what they’ve been doing for the last quarter century.

Still, it’s up to us. I choose to reach out to those people along the river of my life who I think about. I wonder how their lives unfolded. I have reached out, including family members, who won’t return my calls or respond to letters or even birthday cards. After several tries, I’ve learned to let go. While I miss them, they may not miss me or need me in their lives. Meanwhile, I enjoy reconnecting and learning about those who are willing to share life’s adventures across the years.

Consider this. If you hesitate to call someone, turn the tables. Imagine if out of the blue, three decades later, someone calls you and says, I was going through some old paperwork and found some notes and have been thinking about you.

How would you feel?

WOW!

The world we live in today is increasingly self-focused. Most appear to avoid contact with their faces buried in smartphones. Attention has gone virtual.

You never know what unexpected gift you could give another or receive by reconnecting. At the very least, reconnecting it likely have a positive effect on both of your lives.

Inspire us. Let us know what you have done.

“When I get rid of this stuff, then I will… “

January 11, 2021/2 Comments/in Unexpected Gifts/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

Years ago, I’d visit my father in Wisconsin after my mother died and he’d talk about his dreams of visiting Armenia, Russia, and Germany. He was Armenian, fascinated by Russia, and studied the German language in school.

In his mid-eighties, he was in the early stages of dementia. I didn’t know it then. Even when he forgot my name, I chose to help him be independent and live with dignity.

When he shared his dream, I offered to help him. I even said I’d be willing to come along for an unforgettable father-daughter international adventure.

When I get rid of this stuff, then I will

Each time, he’d look around and take stock of his stuff. There were piles of (unpaid) bills and tax notices, notes, articles, and books near his desk. In the basement, he had an overwhelming array of tools and spare parts. With a sigh he’d say, “When I get rid of this stuff, then I will… ”

Almost two decades have passed since he died after living with Alzheimer’s; and now, I find myself saying the same thing. “When I get rid of this stuff, then I will…”

At age 61, I realize this mindset limits my potential. Aside from severely curtailed activities during this pandemic, I must learn from my father and get rid of more of my stuff.

What will I do once I am finished letting go of my stuff?

Once I realized the limits I was foisting upon my progress, a surprising question came to mind in the wee hours one morning: What will I do once I am finished processing my stuff?

This question scared me. It had a big answer—one, that I did not know. It took weeks to digest the magnitude of this shift in thinking.

Sure, I’ve lived through a lot of change—we all have, lately. Yet, to let go means releasing the anchor of my past.

I know better. I co-wrote a bestselling title on decluttering!

Managing clutter is an ongoing process. Many of us in my generation want to share our treasures with family as our parents did. It would make it so much easier. Yet, family doesn’t want these treasures. In truth, they are only things like thoughts that tether us to the past. While there’s nothing wrong with holding onto what’s familiar, holding on too tight to too many things and thoughts doesn’t allow us to enjoy more of our present.

Knowing this, I have been good about letting go. However, paperwork and books are especially daunting. Progress is measured at snail’s pace—inch-by-inch. Letting go of my parents’ furniture from the 1930s, will yield space for new experiences.

With each generation, we improve. Instead of thinking, when I get rid of this stuff, then I will… I will find the answer that makes sense for me. It may come in pieces but I will know what feels right when I ask, “What will I do once I am finished letting go of my stuff?”

Since a lot of my work is not tied down to a geographic location, this is truly a liberating feeling. And the answer will be the world’s unexpected gift to me.

ENCORE of an Unexpected Gift – A Deep-Fried Thanksgiving

November 19, 2015/1 Comment/in Unexpected Gifts/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

ENCORE of an UNEXPECTED GIFT – A Deep-Fried Thanksgiving

When one of our possessions is not used, over time it distracts us and creates a feeling of clutter. When curiosity got the better of me and I just had to try a deep fried turkey, Eric let me use it and four families gathered to ENJOY a FUN ADVENTURE.

This unexpected gift inspired Eric and I to write the following poem:

It’s on clearance, what a deal!
A turkey deep fryer to cook our Thanksgiving meal.

Just season to taste with spices and such
A pinch here and there, not too much.
But it says some assembly required
How to do it? I’m too tired.
Years go by and it sits on the shelf
Taunting me like an underutilized elf
Waiting to be used for the big holiday feast
Bothering my wife not in the least.
We should use it when the family’s in town
But it’s still not assembled, I feel so down.

Brenda asks how a deep fried turkey might cook
I’m eager to try it, let’s have a look.
She says, “I have a smoker to offer in trade
For your turkey deep fryer unused for a decade
“No, the fryer is mine.”
“But if you wanna use it, I guess that’s fine.”
Plans are made to break it in right
With special oil and a bird that won’t fight.
The big day draws near, how will it go?
Without some experience, there is no way to know.

Family and friends arrive to see
How a Thanksgiving bird is cooked for free.
The oil is hot, ready at last
Keep the temperature steady to cook it fast.
Anticipation and laughter fill the air
As we wait anxiously for our Thanksgiving fare.
The turkey is cooked and ready to eat.
The glorious meal is crispy and neat.
Making for a mouth-watering display
A great way to spend Thanksgiving Day!

We invite you to view the one-minute YouTube video clips of HOW TO Safely Prepare and ENJOY A Deep Fried Turkey from START to FINISH.

Cut Through the Clutter

May 27, 2015/1 Comment/in Unexpected Gifts/by Eric Riddle STUFFologist

What unexpected gifts will unveil themselves to you when you cut through the clutter?

In STUFFology 101: Get Your Mind Out of the Clutter, we discuss the five categories of clutter, which we call cluttergories. They are physical, mental, digital, temporal and sensual. Clutter has an ebb and flow to it, just like life. How we define our clutter may change.

Recently my Dad has been making improvements to his home, discovering areas of clutter in the process. One hall closet in particular had several shoe boxes full of old pictures (remember the print kind?) that were stored at random. My daughter Maggie volunteered to sort them out and organize them for my Dad so the whole family could enjoy them.

We took all the boxes home for easier sorting, and to help cut through the clutter at my Dad’s house! My first unexpected gift came shortly thereafter. As Maggie went through each box of pictures she would stop to ask who or what was in a given photo. It is amazing what memories (my unexpected gift) came into focus as I answered her questions. Of course there were questions that neither I nor my wife could answer about certain photos. That’s not a problem because a sticky note to mark that photo will do the trick short term. Maybe my Dad can provide the answers.

His pictures are now neatly organized in new photo boxes. As he looks through them in the future he will enjoy a pleasant stroll down memory lane, an unexpected gift worth giving.

Maggie was inspired to review and sort the family photos at our house as a result of this project. Fortunately my wife keeps them in pretty good order already. This is when I received my second unexpected gift. The photos triggered pleasant memories for sure, but also motivated me to take action.

Looking at my skinnier self from years ago, coupled with some good-natured teasing from my daughter, motivated me to lose weight. Getting back in shape is something I have been working at half-heartedly for most of this year, with limited success. Pictures tell a tale that is difficult to ignore.

The physical clutter of printed pictures has motivated me to get in better physical shape. What cluttergories are impacting your life? Cut through that clutter to unveil an unexpected gift that is unique to you.

Nature abhors a vacuum and other clutter postulates

May 5, 2015/2 Comments/in Unexpected Gifts/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

About a decade ago, I came upon “Nature abhors a vacuum” in a book on feng shui. It left a lasting impression upon me. If we resist this force of nature, we may gain control over the cycle of clutter in order to enjoy the unexpected gifts in life.

At this time, I needed to get rid of a number of classic-tailored suits. I no longer wore them because after years of living in a dry climate — the High Desert of Southern California — the finely woven wool fibers had shrunk significantly; yet, I couldn’t let them go.

Isn’t it funny how when we don’t even need something, we insist on holding on?

That changed when a fellow caregiver and friend needed donations for the Children’s Hospital fundraiser. Knowing these clothes were to be purchased by women who would recognize the finer quality details, I donated a half-dozen suits and other clothes.

The void in my closet provided relief. I no longer had the toxic reminders of what was not in my future — a body to fit in those clothes.

And while the force of nature pressured me to fill that void, I resisted. I bought two new outfits. I needed something to wear at speaking engagements!

Today, I consciously resist the urge to replace something I give away or discard. I try to live without it a while to see if I really need to replace it.

This past weekend, one of our living room tabletop lamps stopped working. My husband took it apart to try to fix it. We agreed it wasn’t worth his time and tossed it. We considered buying a new one. Then, to fill the void with light, we experimented by moving two floor lamps. Amazingly, the new arrangement resulted in a much better effect with one less lamp!

What is it that compels us to give into nature’s force and fill a newly created void? And why?

It turns out that Aristotle made this statement. Ahh, now that explains why we accumulate clutter! It’s a physics postulate! And who can resist nature’s law?

We can, if we try hard enough.

After all, with enough power, we defy the laws of gravity and enjoy air travel around the world.

We CAN defy the laws of physics.

When we resist the urge to fill a void whether it’s physical, mental, or even temporal, we free ourselves to receive the unexpected gifts in life.

Unexpected gifts

You may recall reading the part in STUFFology 101 about my husband’s and my commitment to keep our kitchen table clear after we grew tired of having to clear a space to eat. Instead, we put our food on trays and ate while watching TV.

This is a photo taken on May 4, 2015 of our clutter-free table. And we took advantage of two unexpected gifts. First, we focus on what we’re eating, which means we eat less. Instead of permitting TV to be a distraction, we take our time to enjoy meals we prepare together from scratch. Second, we’re talking more, just as we did when we became a couple almost 38 years ago.

You may also recall the article that we cancelled our television subscription earlier this year, in order to have more time.

This means less temporal clutter. We have more time to catch up with the things that piled up while our attention was diverted to the TV. And there’s no more mindless blur of daily entertainment that overloaded us with mental clutter.

As we consciously strive to defy Aristotle’s (clutter) postulate, we’ll have more time and energy to enjoy life’s unexpected gifts. One such gift presented itself a couple months ago after I took steps to reduce the hours and days I worked each week.

For almost twenty years, I worked 14-16 hours a day for 6-7 days a week. Last year, I began to take stock of my time and energy and reduced my schedule to 12-14-hour days. After facing some difficult decisions, I let go of several volunteer activities and reduced my work schedule even more.

This year, I’m working 10-12 hour days 6 days a week. This reduction left me with enough time and energy to accept an unexpected gift–an invitation to write for U.S. News & World Report.

This opportunity helps me to reach a wider audience with my message for caregivers. I would not have been able to accept this gift had I not cleared the temporal clutter in my life. Plus, I’m getting out more often to hike in nature.

What unexpected gifts will you invite into your life after resisting the urge to fill a void with stuff?

Unload That Trailer

March 24, 2015/1 Comment/in Unexpected Gifts/by Eric Riddle STUFFologist

I would rather have and not need it than need it and not have it. My philosophy for garage items was not serving me well when it came to my utility trailer. As discussed in STUFFology 101: Get Your Mind Out of the Clutter , I rarely used it. Worse than not using it was the fact it had turned into a not so mobile storage area for stuff!

On the rare occasion I needed to use the trailer, I first had to follow a multiple step process to get it out of the garage. This entailed moving the items in and around the trailer out onto the driveway so I could maneuver the trailer out of the garage. Then all that stuff in the driveway went back into the garage temporarily while I used the trailer. Finally, I reversed the process to park the trailer in the garage again. Not a very efficient use of time or space. Talk about temporal and physical clutter!

A solution to my clutter conundrum eventually appeared in the form of my nephew, who asked if I’d be interested in selling the trailer. Ultimately I said YES, but not before agonizing over the answer for at least 30 seconds. I was not home when he came to pick up the trailer, so he and my daughter followed my multiple step process to get the trailer out of the garage.

While it was nice not having to do that work, I also received some unexpected gifts. Letting go of the trailer inspired the family to finally sort through the many trailer items to keep, toss, or donate. Clearing out the garage clutter enabled us to find a few family treasures to display in the house. Those items we chose to donate were put to much better use by our favorite charity. What a wonderful feeling!

In addition, my nephew did not need the panels I had made for the trailer, so I turned that material into storage shelving for my garage. Much of my jumbled Christmas decorations now had an easily accessible home. Aaahhh, relief from Christmas clutter constipation.

Unloading the trailer provided me with another unexpected gift, family time. My nephew stayed for dinner the day he picked up the trailer and we had a nice visit. Sorting through the garage items from the trailer as a family provided a nice block of time to catch up with one another on a variety of things that might otherwise have been missed.

Clear the clutter from an area in your life and discover what unexpected gifts are waiting for you.

Letting GO to Welcome In

February 10, 2015/1 Comment/in Unexpected Gifts/by Brenda Avadian STUFFologist

Last week, I cancelled my satellite TV subscription.

Two years ago, I suspended service for two to three months. Since then, I wanted to let go of subscription TV but hit a roadblock—my husband.

When he suggested giving up TV completely, recently, I jumped and cancelled our service.

The following day, I received an unexpected gift.

When my neighbor and I walked the 0.7 mile down to our mailboxes, she received a postcard. An announcement about a play– Great Expectations. I got EXCITED, because Charles Dickens’ story of Pip and Miss Havisham was one of those childhood stories that left an impression on me. Time to see the play after reading the book several times and seeing the movie.

When ONE door closes, ANTHER DOOR opens.

Or, to using another cliché:

You can’t get to second base with your foot still on first.

In order to take a leap of faith, you must be willing to let go.

We don’t realize it: We watch more TV than we think we do.

I would have guessed that I watched only one to two hours, some nights, but the truth was, I could watch three or more. After a hard day of work, I enjoyed being a couch potato. With all that TV watching though, this spud was going no where.

All those hours lost… watching TV

All those hours watching actors, actresses, news broadcasters, documentaries, and even some reality TV.

All those hours of distraction taking never-to-be returned hours from finishing the tasks that would give me peace of mind and reduced mental clutter.

Things I look forward to doing as I get used to this new schedule without TV—

Reading an hour
Walking an hour
Telephoning a friend
Catching up with emails
Catching up with some online reading
Making progress on the stacks of paperwork accumulating on my worktable, mail shelf, and desk

Saturday afternoon, while shopping, we bought a DVD and watched a movie that evening. Two hours of TV in five days. WONDERFUL!

Sunday night, instead of watching the line-up of shows, I took two-and-a-half hours to review the past minutes and Bylaws for one of the associations for which I serve as a board member.

Exciting, huh? Not really.

What’s worse is seeing the folder on my L-shaped desk over the past seven months. I realized if I review the papers again, after having served on the board for seven months, I‘d have a clearer context for our work going forward. I’ll need to devote at least an hour more before I can file the folder for future reference.

We have a choice.

We can spend our time in front of the TV or spend it catching up with the things that pile up in our lives.

If we take at least ONE hour each evening to catch up with reading, imagine what we will gain, in one month–thirty hours of knowledge and progress reading books and/or magazines.

I don’t suggest marathon reading.

Our brains won’t be able to use everything our eyes gloss over. Marathon reading produces similar results as overeating at an all-you-can-eat buffet. You’ll feel upset and won’t be able to use all the information/nutrition at one sitting unless you take time to reflect or digest.

Taking time away from TV to to sit and talk with your spouse during dinner, talking a walk, and reading an hour each day, will have a cumulative effect on your life. I’ve also noticed, I’m less distracted. It’s like my brain isn’t buzzing with thoughts. I can focus and see more clearly. Who would have guessed this as on outcome of giving up TV? Again, after only five days!

If you give up something similar, let us know how it goes.

We can all learn from one another.

It’s not easy to give up something we’re used to in our lives—but as the saying goes (cliché alert): If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten. Most often, getting what you’ve always gotten, isn’t good enough.

For a related perspective, read, WISDOM of the AGES.